Top 5 Most Annoying Posts

19 Nov

Not in particular order. They are all fucking annoying.

1. ”Love yourself, you’re beautiful no matter what everyone says!”

99% of the bloggers who say this actually feel pretty and are having a good day, and writing it down reinforces this idea. Not that it’s bad, it’s just that this is just a projection of how THEY feel. For the reader who is having a bad day, it is not going to do much.

And don’t get me started on ” Operation Beautiful’‘ thing.

A post-it note written by a stranger that most likely projects how HE/SHE feels is not going to make me feel better if I’m having self-esteem issues.

If I’m having a bad day and feeling like crap, and see a”Love yourself, you’re beautiful!’‘ post-it on the woman washroom’s mirror, I will rip it off, tear it apart, and, if the person who wrote this note is still around, make her eat it.

Yeah, you don’t want to be around me when I’m having a bad day.

Side-Note: Now that I just wrote this, it would be super hypocritical of me to sign up and become a LOVE blogger.

Damn it. I really wanted that granola.

Granola VS Dignity

—> Dignity wins

Free granola VS Dignity 

—> …we’ll say Dignity.

2. Talk about eating an unclean food like you’ve accomplished 4 triathlons back to back.

And here is my dessert: DONUT! Nomnomnom! So good! Nothing wrong with enjoying sweets once in a while, huh? I love treating myself, I definitely deserved it! The fluffy inside, crispy sugary outside…See, white carbs didn’t kill me!

Stop thinking you are a special snowflake because you ate something unclean. You know you’re in for a HLB detox when you think it’s abnormal to eat something normal. And please, no ”I’m still recovering from my sugar coma” in your next post.

And the comments. Oh, the comments.

If it’s a Healthy Living blog:

That donut looks soooooo yummy!! I want to eat it soooo bad!!

Then get your ass off, go to Tim Horton’s (if you’re Canadian) or Dunkin’ Donuts (if you’re American), and go get that fucking donut, instead of drooling in front of the computer. Unless you’re scared to gain 48lbs+ from it, of course. In that case, just keep pretending that you ate that donut, but that it landed on the blogger’s hips.

If it’s a Recovery HLB-Wannabe blog:

OMG you have such a healthy relationship with food! You’re an inspiration!! Congrats on that donut, it is sooooo scary!!

Ok. That blogger ate a donut. A fucking donut. ”Inspiration”??!!? For a donut??! Millions of Americans eat donuts every single day, for God’s sake. Stop emphasizing how it was difficult/scary, because it just associates donuts with guilt. We need to stop discriminating donuts.

3. ”Listen to your body!”

You know what? If I were to listen to my body/my mind, I would be laying all day on a couch, eating Honey Cruller Donuts, Sweet Chili Heat Doritos, Poutine, Japanese Mochis and Kabocha all day long. With liters of coffee, pop and tea. I would be 200lbs+, and I don’t really want that*.

My favorite Doritos flavour! What's yours?

Sometimes, I have to talk myself into not eating the whole house or talk myself into getting my ass off the computer and do something productive, like doing homework or workout.

*And no, not wanting to get to 200lbs+ by eating crap does not mean I’m relapsing or obsessing about my weight. Pretty common among bloggers who had EDs to get accused of being unhealthy for not wanting to be unhealthy.

4. Write about how mean that commenter was and how you *might* stop blogging

Bravo! You found the perfect way of how to get lurkers to get out of their hole and comment (that’s really hard to do) and see how many minions you have!

If you do a whole blog post about ONE fucking comment, then that commenter was probably right.

Most common example is the blogger who gets accused of supporting EDs with their ”healthy” habits:

How dare you assume I’m projecting an unhealthy image for people with EDs?!! 

I am really healthy: blood tests are fine, healthy weight (a bit on the slim side)…it is just me naturally! You are just projecting your insecurities on me because I’m healthy! You don’t know me, so shut up and don’t make assumptions on my life, because you no NOTHING! I don’t post everything I eat, I eat A LOT more than you think! 

I might take my blog down for a little while. I’m soooo hurt by this comment!

And then you have the immediate flood of ass-kissing comments:

Don’t stop blogging! We need you!!!!

Please stay strong lovie!!! You’re beautiful!!!

Fuck that commenter!! Zust zealous haterzzzz!!!

Of course, the next post is inevitably:

OMG you guys are sooooo sweet! Love you soooo much!! I’m back to blogging!

Barf. Puke. Die.

5. ”Don’t be scared of carbs/fats!”

I don’t need someone to tell me that a cinnamon roll is not going to kill me. But that’s not what gets me in those posts. It’s the hypocrisy behind it:

”EAT YOUR CARBS!” speech, followed by a bowl of Carba Nada Noodles.

”FAT ARE YOUR FRIENDS!” speech, followed by an ode to PB2 and how it tastes juste like the real thing.

Your readers are not stupid.

I don’t mind those foods. But if I eat them, it is certainly not because I don’t mind eating too much carbs/fats.

Be honest, people.

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15 Responses to “Top 5 Most Annoying Posts”

  1. Marie November 19, 2011 at 9:05 pm #

    Love this post. I really didn’t know people had relationships with their food until I discovered HLBs.

    One thing though: I think one reason bloggers get away with being so patronizing and self-important is because their readers ARE stupid. It’s a vicious stupidity cycle.

    P.S. YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL.

    • asianbitch November 19, 2011 at 9:23 pm #

      Truth!
      I can’t read the comments left on Big blogs. They just talk about themselves, eat Oatmeal, Kale chips and do BodyPump, yet I see all those commenters saying ”Omg that looks so delisshhh! Sounds like a great day!”.
      I mean, you’ve got to be a bit stupid to kiss their ass and say this on every single one of their posts. Although most of them are just commenting on Big blogs to get traffic to their blogs.

      And yes, I know my orange fur is really sexy.

  2. recoveringfree November 20, 2011 at 12:11 am #

    Oh miiii gosh your sooooo inspirational in attacking HLBs! I totes feel safe eating sugar free, low carb hot cocoa…oh wait, it’s just water…damn it.

    ^sarcasm

    but seriously LMAO on this post!

    • asianbitch November 20, 2011 at 12:23 am #

      Being inspirational by being a bitch is better than being inspirational by eating a donut.
      I saw a post with 20+ comments saying how inspirational the blogger was for eating a muffin.
      And it was a gluten-free, naturally sweetened, organic carrot muffin.
      *facepalm*

  3. Lindsey @ Happy or Hungry November 21, 2011 at 8:51 pm #

    How did I miss this post?
    You know, you are quite a bitch.
    But I like it.

    The “listen to your body” thing really gets me, because I am with you. If I listened to my body I’d be eating QPeezy’s with Cheezy’s (quarter pounders with cheese) and cookies all day. And poutine. Oh sweet baby cheeses the poutine. SOMETIMES after a weekend of eating particularly badly I do actually crave veggies, but I’m usually craving chocolate.

    And if I listen to my body during my workout it is basically saying “STOP STOP STOP” the entire time.

    I LOVE PIKACHU!

    • asianbitch November 21, 2011 at 11:32 pm #

      You know you’re Canadian when you eat Poutine! I like the ”squish squish” sound from the cheese. I call them Squish Squish Cheese.

  4. Blonde on a Mission November 22, 2011 at 1:27 pm #

    Just found your blog, and you fucking rock. Haha
    And no, I don’t think I’ve ever posted with these offences.

    • asianbitch November 23, 2011 at 7:53 pm #

      Probably why I like yours too.

  5. Mitri November 29, 2011 at 9:42 pm #

    I hate that everyone says you should love yourself for being beautiful, which–and we can argue semantics–usually implies some level of physical aesthetics. Why don’t we talk about loving yourself because you are witty or intelligent or hardworking or good at drawing or being moral?

    I also agree on the whole “listening to your body” thing. I would definitely eat pancakes, waffles, muffins–all kinds of sugar-loaded goods if I just ate whatever I wanted. Not that I never eat these, but I try to eat salads, too. Not because I want to restrict. Because it’s just as dumb to eat a ton of shit as it is to eat extremely “clean.” I think it was Aristotle who advised that the middle road is always the best, whereas extremes in emotions, for example, are never good.

    You give me too much stuff to talk about. I am sorry for spamming your e-mail right now. 🙂 But I know I always appreciated feedback on my non-HLB posts, which was usually not much.

    • asianbitch November 30, 2011 at 11:13 pm #

      That’s what I want: get people to talk! Too many people are just banging their head on the wall when they read blogs like that. They need a place to vent.

  6. Thoa December 5, 2011 at 7:46 pm #

    I have to disagree with two of your 5 points.

    “Listen to your BODY” means exactly what it says. What you’re saying about wanting to lay on the couch and devour a whole country isn’t listening to your body but your mind.. When your body has enough, it will definitely feel full and heavy and if you try to put anymore in, it will become painfully uncomfortable. But your mind knows that food makes you feel good and so it keeps on wanting despite your physical body telling you to stop cuz your stomach will explode. I speak from experience. I’ve been to too many sweets, hotel restaurant, luxury buffets to know that my mind can eat a lot more than my body wants to. 🙂

    “Love yourself, you’re beautiful no matter what anyone says” is actually very optimistic and inspirational. I’m not sure what kind of blogs you read, but the ones I read are all normal human beings with yknow, pimples and wrinkles and cellulite. But despite their imperfections they still love themselves which inspires me to do also despite my lack of pimples, small wrinkles, crooked teeth and well… cellulite.

    And I think in a way, we’re just all a little jealous of the people who write these things because they are living the happy and positive life we want to live. Or well, at least I do.

    I’m never really sure how effective a blog on focusing on how one is a b&tch will help you to recover in any area of your life, whether it be ED or depression. But it’s your blog so of course I have no authority to tell you what to do with it. But yknow, from one human being to another, I just think for your own personal sanity and well-being, you should focus [i]a little more[/i] on yknow, happy things.

    • asianbitch December 5, 2011 at 10:20 pm #

      Agree with your first point, I admit I first wanted to say ”Listen to your Body doesn’t mean Listen to your Mind”, but since a lot of people think that if you don’t listen to your mind, then you have an eating disorder, or something like that.

      And imagine how b*tchy I would be in real life if I didn’t have my blog to rant and vent about my frustrations…! Trust me, it’s better for everyone. 😉

      • Thoa December 5, 2011 at 11:31 pm #

        Haha, I’m glad you didn’t take offense to what I said! And I agree, the blog is definitely a place to vent our complaints and frustrations virtually so we don’t do it in real life.

        I’m not very socialized into the ED blog world so I’m not sure of the conversations going on behind the scenes. I do believe whether it be over or under-eating, we all use food as a coping mechanism for something other than hunger. And that’s why listening to our body is so important because it knows best how much is enough for it to function [whether you’re eating too much or too little]. But when you listen to your mind, it tells you all this crap about how that food is poison, or you should eat that cake despite your stomach bursting at the seams.

        I’m still trying to work on this but it’s so hard cuz I’m already full but only have like 4 bites left. But those 4 bites can do a lot!

  7. The Paleo Princess June 10, 2014 at 12:38 pm #

    Omg, number 2 annoys me the most! Good god people, everyone eats junk food, and you are not an overcomer or a hero for eating junk food. Eating a donut does not make you “strong” or mean that you are beating your eating disorder.
    So glad that you posted this!!

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Ass-Kissing « Asian B*tch - November 27, 2011

    […] can’t stand this one. I know I already said it. Inspiration for eating a fucking muffin. At this point, I think the guy who invented Telephone […]

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