Ass-Kissing

27 Nov

There are 3 types of Ass-Kisser Commenters among HLBs.

1. Newbie Blogger Ass-Kisser (aka I’m-going-to-comment-on-big-blogs-to-get-new-readers-because-I-want-to-be-popular)

Omg that bowl of oatmeal looks so yummy!!!! *CLICK ON MY BLAWG PUHLEEAAAZZ*

Basically, those comments are pointless and are just a way to drag traffic to their blogs. When you see 20+ comments that say the same thing, all of them from small bloggers, you know they didn’t read the post and just looked at the picture of oatmeal and said the first thing that came into their mind.

Inflated-Ego-Super-Narcissistic Big Bloggers love them. The standing ovation to their 56 pictures of oatmeal  and 17 self-portrait/mirror pictures gives them clicks (more $$), and their ego are happily satisfied.

2. Eating-Disordered Ass-Kisser

Gah, your foods look so good, I need to try that Spinach-PB butter-Chia seed-Chocolate oatmeal combo!!! I love that you bought 46 jars of nut butters, soooo delicious! :D. By the way, I too am trying to recover from anorexia and don’t want to gain fat, just muscles, and I love your blog!!

Pretty common in blogs where the blogger claims to be recovered and naturally skinny, while running 10miles/day and eating egg whites with stevia, natural almond butter and sugar-free jam for dessert (or other weird concoctions).

Also, another one:

OMG that woman was so rude for commenting on your look!!! Don’t feel triggered because she said you are skinny!!!! What an inappropriate comment, she doesn’t have any manner! You’re right, FUCK HER! GO YOU!!!

I’ve seen way too many posts about skinny people bashing someone who commented on their weight, even if it wasn’t intentional: a woman told a skinny blogger in the gym that if she had that body, she wouldn’t be here. That anorexic blogger bashed that woman on her blog.

Ok. You might not have liked the comment (although you know that your eating-disordered self secretly liked it but won’t admit it on your blog because you must maintain this ”inspiration/role model” statue for the Recovery-Blogger Community), but you obviously know she didn’t said it in to be mean, right?

So just move on. Sheesh. No need to make a big deal out of it. If you want people to stop calling you skinny, then gain weight. What, don’t want to? Then don’t do as if it bothered you, it’s fake and it comes across as braggy.

Another one:

Kick ED in the ass and go get that organic, gluten free, carb-free, lactose-free, taste-free muffin!  :]!!! You’re such an inspiration, you’re my role model you inspire me sooooo much!!! Stay strong loviiiieeee xoxox

I can’t stand this one. I know I already said it. Inspiration for eating a fucking muffin. At this point, I think the guy who invented Telephone Dumbbell should be an inspiration for all fitness instructors.

''Introducing the Telephone Dumbbell. In modern times, people are spending longer at work, which means they have less time for exercise. Well the telephone dumbbell lets you work out whilst answering calls. A truly magnificent breakthrough in the world of work and fitness.''

3. White Knight Ass-Kisser

If you ever left a comment that’s not in agreement with the Blogger, you know what I’m talking about. As soon as you say something that’s not ”I LOVE YOUR BLOG”, the White Knights come to the rescue and call you a meanie, a hater, a jealous freak, an ignorant and rude person.

Internet White-Guilt Knight

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16 Responses to “Ass-Kissing”

  1. serendipitousmornings November 27, 2011 at 11:39 am #

    “Oh my gosh, I love your bowl of oatmeal!” 😛

    Haha..seriously, though. Your blog has been growing on me. At first, I was shocked by the rawness of your words and thoughts, but, hence the name of the blog, eh?

    Just kidding, I do not think you are a b*tch. You just tell it as it is and how you see fit. Absolutely nothing wrong with that.

    (Though, I disagree with you on the whole “inspiration for eating a muffin.” Eating disorders are mental illnesses, right, so there is achievement in eating a muffin.)

    Anyways, your words are an amusement to my days. 🙂

    • asianbitch November 27, 2011 at 12:15 pm #

      Thanks!
      It’s just that I was part of everything I’m talking about in my posts, and I’m amazed that no one told me how blind I was.

      I must admit I was guilty of the ”inspiration by eating a muffin”! When I was at the beginning of recovery, it was a BIG deal (34 pictures of the muffin and 67 paragraphs about how it was scary), but after a while, I just thought…it’s just a muffin. A fucking damn muffin. I don’t feel flabbergasted by a person who eats a muffin anymore. I do see how it can be an achievement, though, especially if it’s at the beginning of recovery. So basically I agree and disagree with myself.

      That was a bit confusing, but I think you know what I mean.

  2. Lindsey @ Happy or Hungry November 28, 2011 at 11:43 pm #

    Yes, I agree with the first commenter. You are quite shocking with your swears 😉
    I have to be really careful on my blog, because I post about work and stuff so I need to keep it professional and PG, which means no swearing, no pictures of crazy binge drinking parties, and a lot of times I can’t say what I really think. I kind of envy your anonymity, because you can say whatever you want, and who cares?! You’re just an Asian Bitch!

    I can’t stand the big blogger a** kissing the most. I rarely comment on the “big” blogs because I like to actually interact with other bloggers, and they don’t have time for me. Plus, I don’t want people to read my blog because I’m buddy-buddy with KERF, I want them to read me for me. I can’t stand the “everything looks delicious!” comments.

    • asianbitch November 29, 2011 at 8:22 am #

      Omg, I hate those Holier-than-thou attitude that some of them pull off. You ask a Q, they don’t reply, but replied to the comments next to yours because it was left by some other big bloggers.

      Blogging is therapeutic. I blog about things that annoys me…so I guess that’s why I swear a lot. Lots of frustration that’s coming out, haha. I write like I think, but not like I talk (hopefully).
      On the other hand, I envy your Cookie Club.

  3. Mitri November 29, 2011 at 9:26 pm #

    Oh my god, how come I didn’t know you started a new blog? I knew you WANTED to, but I was not informed of its actual creation. I am offended. 😛

    I missed your drawings. I also missed your humor. What you discuss here is part of the reason I am deterred from blogging again. I just feel so stupid and hypocritical when I try to blog that way. I would never blog about healthy living because I do not live “healthily,” or at least how the blog world defines healthy. Yes, I blogged about oatmeal, but I tried to make it funny and dumb. I hope I didn’t ass kiss.

    You should write a post about bloggers calling each other “sweetie” or other similar words. It makes me want to throw up.

    • asianbitch November 30, 2011 at 11:21 pm #

      Sweeeetiiiieeee ❤ <3!! I missed u sooooo much!! How are ya, lovie ❤ ;)?? We should definetely have breakkie together, hunny :ppppp! How about some oatmeal, with 1 tsp Cashew butter, 5 almonds, 1 dates, drizzle of fig syrup, 2 yogurt covered raisins and dark coffee :DDDDD? Sooooo yummmii <3!!!! 🙂 🙂

      *Puke*

      I actually thought I send a Formspring message to all my followers, but nobody replied. I thought that nobody was interested, haha. Silly me, it probably just went into my Public Questions. I need to learn how to use formspring.

  4. Sarah December 1, 2011 at 10:50 pm #

    Um, hi. I never comment on blogs, but you are absolutely hilarious and most definitely my new favorite. Please don’t ever stop. #senseofhumorsoulmate

    • asianbitch December 1, 2011 at 11:48 pm #

      Hello, new reader/ex-lurker/new soul-mate! 😀

  5. dancinghopinglivingdreaming December 2, 2011 at 12:31 pm #

    holy shit babe, i love you :p
    btw, i like, LOVE your drawings… come to my blog? 😀
    xoxoxox keep it up.
    YOU ARE MY INSPIRATION! 😀

  6. rozzybella December 4, 2011 at 10:22 am #

    I think I like this blog…….ALOT! Friggin hilarious, il be back here 😀

  7. jan December 4, 2011 at 10:49 am #

    It bugs me (I don’t know why) when “recovered” blogs show pics of them kissing a pb jar that they hold with bone-thin arms and tight, white faces and stick legs.
    Or the classic egg whites + 1/4 cup of oats and the hard-core dedication to Jamie Eason’s trainer plan and No snack before bed unless its casein powder or egg whites again (but their “recovered” right,,silly me).

    It also irritates me (again, I don’t know why, I have odd hangups) when blog -writers (with book deals ) don’t spell, proofread or phrase things right (so much time has “past” from bloggers with book deals….I don’t get it). And when they use the “lets just eat frosting and be friends, mmkay”….”mmkay’ ….makes me cringe…along with “but I roll like that”. The fact that its on 211 blogs makes it too cliquish.

    Again, I am the pathetic one for even caring…I should just stop reading or ignore it. Instead I spend/waste time getting irritated by it. Go figure .

    • asianbitch December 14, 2011 at 4:15 pm #

      I hate the cutesy talk. ”What you don’t like PB, lovie!?? I’m sorry but we can’t be friends anymore! *insert 64 smileys* Teee heeee heee”

  8. Ameena December 18, 2011 at 12:53 pm #

    Love this. Brilliant. Seriously!

    I think it’s fabulous you have the guts to say what so many of us think. I can’t confront so thanks for doing it on my behalf!

  9. Qi Ting January 27, 2012 at 9:14 am #

    Damn, you hit it right on the spot. I hate reading blogs that go on and on about their yucky oatmeal with fancy names, giant bowls of salad (with low calorie dressings) and expensive nutrition bars. Its quite obvious that the commentors (don’t know the right word) are either disordered or “ass-kissing” like you said. Its kinda gross.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. How to NOT make it to my Google Reader « Asian B*tch - December 15, 2011

    […] Be an Ass-kisser If there’s something I hate, it’s when people lose sight of who they are, just so they […]

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