Archive | December, 2011

2012

31 Dec

Yes, 66% is unbelievable, considering I failed all my previous tests.  

I passed my mechanics class…

…Which means the end of the world approaches.

We should really be scared for December 21 2012.

Happy New Year!

Differences between HLB, Jane Doe & Me

29 Dec

1) Diagnoses

HLB:

  • Anorexia Nervosa
  • Anorexia Athletica
  • Gluten-intolerance
  • IBS
  • Wheat-intolerance
  • Soy-intolerance
  • McDonald’s-intolerance
  • Carb-intolerance
  • Narcissistic personality disorder
  • Etc.

Jane Doe: Peanut allergy

Me:

  • Anorexia Nervosa (diagnosed)
  • Bulimia (undiagnosed)
  • Self-harming (undiagnosed)
  • Socially Disabilitated Bitch disease (no need for diagnosic)

2) Milk substitute

HLB: ”OMG Unsweetened almond milk taste soooo much better than cow milk!”

Jane Doe: ”I can’t taste the difference. My bowl of Rice Krispies  does the same sound anyway, whether I use one or the other.”

Me: I use unsweetened almond milk. Because it has a longer life shelf, my sister likes it, my mom is a bit lactose-intolerant and also because I have issues.

3) Meat

HLB: ”What…??!! You’re not vegan???!!! SHAME ON YOU.”

Jane Doe: ”Mmmm…meat!”

Me: One of the worst thing that can happen at McDonald’s is when they run out of BBQ sauce for the Chicken McNuggets.

4) Carrot Cake

HLB: This.

Jane Doe: This.

Me: This.

Things That Are Only OK To Do If You’re The One Who’s Doing It

25 Dec

1) Farting

My farts are, in my humble opinion, one of the smelliest farts, but I can tolerate them. It makes me gag when I smell other’s farts. I almost puked when I was at Popeye’s (a supplement store), and this big guy beside me launched a gas bomb. That was a protein fart, no doubt about it.

2) Pooping

You know, when you’re going to the public washrooms, and this person has forgotten to flush her #2? You turn around and immediately pick another toilet, right? People don’t mind flushing their own poop, but you will most likely never see someone flushing other people’s poop, unless it’s an emergency.

3) Blogging about farting and pooping

I don’t care about farts and poop, it’s vulgar to blog about it, but I find it interesting and funny when I, and only I, blog about it.

4) Burping

If you want to cut my appetite, burp in front of me. That will do it. I don’ feel that way when I burp, just when other’s are doing it.

5) Complaining

Again, I don’t find it (as) annoying when I’m the one complaining.

Since we are on this topic…

I can feel the 679 tweets that are coming from the people suffering from an ED are going to be:

OMG I’M A HUGE HAMMMM!! I’M SOOOO FAT!! HOLY SHIT, I AM SO FAT!!!

I LOOK SO BLOATED, IT SEEMS LIKE I HAVE A DOUBLE COATING OF DEEP-FRIED KFC CHICKEN BATTER AROUNG ME!!

Everyone. Everybody. Everything is annoying!!! ED SUCKS!

UGHHH I’m so triggered, my cousin ate less in the morning because of Christmas feast!! SHE HAS AN ED!!! WE MUST PUT HER IN IP!!!!!!!

I ate more than my 7 year-old sister!!! OMG 😥

I am struggling so hard with my fear of sodium!!!!

And then those people re-tweet each other:

Noooo you are pretty and beautiful!!!

SHADDUP. It doesn’t matter if you are pretty or beautiful. That doesn’t make you a better person.

Be strong lovie!! Don’t listen to X! That person has eating disordered tendencies if she didn’t ate her morning snack just because she’ll be having trukey, gravy, chocolate cake, tiramisu, brownie and cookies later!! That’s restriction!!!!

You can do it!!! Kick ED in the ass by having this salad with dressing!!! YOU CAN DO ITTTTT!!!!

I don’t have a twitter, because I find people who are constantly tweeting their fat feelings for the world to see are somewhat…narcissistic? I mean, I AM narcissistic (this post is a good example), but I try to hide it IRL. Unless you are very close to me, I don’t give a damn that you:

  1. Are at the restaurant, saying ”ED won’t be allowed at the dinner table”
  2. Are eating the world’s best cheesecake and ”kicking ED in the ass”
  3. 1 hour later, feeling disgusting and fat
  4. Are receiving 43 tweets, saying ”You are beautiful, enjoy yourself because ED is a liar, blablabla”

6) Complaining about Christmas sucking

Again, I don’t feel posts that talk about how much Holidays suck are really that interesting (this one is great though). But again, when I complain about it, it makes me feel better and I think of myself as funny, and it doesn’t annoy me as much.

Since we are on this topic…

CHRISTMAS SUCKS!!!

I always felt bad for Charlie Brown when his tree fell. I hate that part of the movie.

  1. Every store is closed. We are out of ground pepper. Dammit.
  2. My mom just took 23$ out of my wallet in 1$ and 2$ because the bank is closed and we are out of change for our corner shop.
  3. All the facebook statues that are saying ”I got X for Christmas!! SOOOO HAPPY!!”. Hmpf.  Stop bragging about it. I know, it’s your right to be happy and my fault if I’m an horrible zealous hater.
  4. It’s the 4th or 5th Christmas that I tell myself I’m going to be happy and all that shit. That I’m not going to be struggling and blablabla. And now I realize that I still have a long way to go.

Now, I want you all, in the comment section, to tell me I’m beautiful, to stay strong and that this year is going to be different, that God will make everything fine, that you’re feeling sorry that I’m spending a lame Christmas and that I’m out of ground pepper.

Happy Holidays!

Lil Asian Dancing Around + Cornmeal Protein Muffins

21 Dec

It was one hell of a busy and hard exam week.

My butt has turned into a pancake from all the studying sitting .

I can’t believe it is DONE. I swear I was going crazy. After a while, even the dust on my lamp was beginning to be interesting. I think I need some studying tips, because I’m easily distracted. Oh, by the way, I bet you don’t know how many pencils my glasses can hold.

Follow Damn! That’s What She Said! for more!

I know you do this to. Don't lie.

Now, I can finally say those magic words:

First semester in Health Science…

…CHECK!

''Hit Me Baby One More Time'' is okay as a guilty pleasure. ''Gimme More'' isn't. You'll lose my respect.

I’m going to spare you a video of me dancing and singing, but just to give you an idea of how traumatized you might have been if I did, it is worse than this:

—-

Since my brain is fried, this post will end here with a recipe. It uses lots of different kind of flours, which I hate, but I really like the result. So be it.

You can’t taste the pumpkin, it just contributes to the texture. The muffins are fluffy and hearty at the same time. I haven’t tried that, but I guess you can make them savory by using unflavored protein powder (or just more flour), adding salt and seasonings.

Cornmeal Protein Muffins

The little black things are cookie bites from my Cookie n' Cream protein powder (that tastes just like sweet powder anyway)

ETA: Makes 6 muffins

Ingredients

  • 2 extra-large (~80g) egg whites
  • 3/4 (180g) canned pumpkin
  • 1/3 cup (10og) yogurt (flavoured or plain)
  • 2 tbsp water
  • 1/4 cup Whey Protein powder
  • 1 tbsp whole wheat flour
  • 2 tbsp coconut flour
  • 1/2 cup (60g) cornmeal
  • 1-2 tbsp sweetener* (You can also use honey or maple syrup, but you might need less water)
  • 1 1/2 tsp baking powder
  • 1/4 tsp baking soda
  • pinch of salt
Directions
  1. Preheat oven to 375.  Spray a muffin pan with cooking spray or better, use a silicone pan.
  2. Beat the egg white on high speed until foamy. Add the pumpkin, water and yogurt and beat until well mixed.
  3. Mix the dry ingredients together and add it to the wet mixture with a spatula.
  4. Bake for 25min, or until a toothpick comes out clean.
  5. Chill before serving.

How to NOT make it to my Google Reader

15 Dec

I’m supposed to be studying but I’m going to fail my physics exam anyway, so I thought I might as well rant my heart out because I haven’t bitched in over a week and I need my fix.

This post is more about ED recoverers (or people with EDs but are in denial) who wants to be HLBs  and why I don’t read them, so if you’re not familiar with EDs you will probably get confused.

1) Be 18 and younger

You know. Those teens who are 16 and have a healthy-living blog, and a bio where they say ”Ask me anything, don’t be shy!! I love answering questions about nutrition and health! ”.

Get the fuck out. I’m not going to take health/nutrition advice from a 16 year old, especially if she had/has eating disordered tendencies, runs 10 miles a day and eats like an orthorexic.

2) Have this ”inspiration/role model” statue

”Your my inspiration!!!!!”

I can’t stand that one.

Especially when that ”inspiration” is a 17 or 18 year old teen, who just post the good things about recovery and not the bad things. Which is good to not post, because it can be triggering. BUT you have to be consistent: if you just talk about the good things, you’re giving a false view of what recovery looks like, and OF COURSE you’re going to seem like an ”inspiration”.

And god dammit, you can’t be an inspiration if you are 18ish, because you haven’t seen the fucking world. You were just in your little recovery world, and you know nothing about the real world.

3) Blog about your recovery

You might think you’re helping someone, by posting your meal plans, your struggles (”Omg, I feel this way too!! I can SO relate!”), your workouts, etc…BUT NO. You’re not.

You’re fucking triggering. For an anorexic who turned into binge-eating, it is not helpful to see a controlled schedule, with X amount of Y food, at Z time, with some workouts thrown in it. Plus, the readers who have EDs, whether they are in active recovery or not, compare themselves to you. This fucking ”perfect recovery” competition. There’s is no such thing as a perfect recovery.

So, bottom line, you are not helping anyone but you.

But I’m blogging for myself!

Oh yeah? Go write in your journal.

But I’m helping others! I’m an inspiration to them!

See #2.

4) Speak in cutesy language

You begin your posts with…

  • Hey my Delicious Sparklely Christmas Cookies!
  • Hey my Scrump-dilli-lump-tious Pumpkin Pudding Cups!
  • Hey My Chocolate Cream-Filled Cookies!
  • Hey all of my Yubby Dubby Cutie Pies!
  • Hey my little Dark Chocolate Chips!
  • Hey My Chocolate Covered Cherries!
Do you think we’re in Care Bears’s world????! If you’re old enough to have a blog, you’re able to talk like someone who’s over 7 year old, right??
You use those annoying words, with enough smileys to make someone vomit:
  • Nom nom nom, that cottage cheese/protein powder/puffins snack was soooo yummiiiiiiii :]! I inhaled this bad boy, even though I’ve been eating that for months every single day!! So much better than cake :D! LOLZ
  • Peanut butter is soooo foodgasmic :3!!! I bought 6 jars of nut butters today, tee heeee :D! That’s how I roll! ;p

5) Be an Ass-kisser

If there’s something I hate, it’s when people lose sight of who they are, just so they can be friends with the big guys. Whenever I see a white knight coming to the rescue of a big blogger because someone left a negative opinion on the blog, it makes me want to puke. In real life, you’re gonna encounter tons of people who don’t agree with you, and there won’t be always someone to blow up smoke in your ass to comfort you, so:
  • to the big bloggers: suck it up.
  • to the ass-kissers: get lost.

Conclusion

If…
  • you’re trying to fit into the HLB cookie-cutter
  • you’re a recovery blogger
  • you’re a recovery blogger and trying to fit into the HLB cookie-cutter
  • you’re ”recovered” from an ED and trying to fit into the HLB cookie-cutter
  • you’re kissing people’s asses
  • you’re trying to fit into the HLB cookie-cutter and kissing people’s asses
  • you’re a recovery blogger and kissing people’s asses
  • you’re a recovery blogger, trying to fit into the HLB cookie-cutter and kissing people’s asses
  • you’re ”recovered” from an ED, trying to fit into the HLB cookie-cutter and kissing people’s asses

…I won’t read.

Why ED Recoverers Should Not Strive To Be HLBs + Cranberry Chocolate Chip Protein Cake

7 Dec

Tomorrow is my PE exam.

After being put through the practical exam…

  • sit-ups test
  • push-ups test
  • vertical impulsion test
  • Beep test (Nightmare. Pure. Nightmare.)
  • 6km practical exam (at -5.0C. I almost chocked on my mucus and was never as glad to see a Kleenex box in my life by the end of the run)

…I now have to study the theory for the theoretical exam. All of which I will forget as soon as it’ll be done.

Something that I found interesting was the definition of health and it’s five dimensions (S.P.E.M.S). It made me think of ED recoverers who consider themselves to be a healthy living blogger, or try to be one of them. Here are the 5 dimensions of health, and why I think ED recovers should not/can not be healthy living bloggers.

1) Social Health: ”the ability to develop and maintain meaningful interpersonal relationships, as well as, to adapt to different social situations.”

You cannot achieve this if you have a panic reaction to the words ”eating out”. And yes, it is still a panic reaction if you are trying to change the McDonald’s to the Vegan Cafe, or if you order a 20$ green salad sans dressing, or worse, if you bring your own food.

By calling yourself a Healthy living blogger and posting that you brought your own whole-grain sandwich to a friend’s party because ”white carbs give you a sugar crash/whatever reason your eating-disordered self has came up with”, you might actually be giving disordered thoughts to your readers.

2) Physical Health: ‘‘the optimal functioning of the body’s interconnected physiological systems, such as the respiratory, the cardiovascular, and the immune and endocrine systems.”

Whether you are overweight or underweight, if you are not doing anything about it and haven’t made an effort, (because there ARE people who are healthy even though they are under/overweight), you are not healthy. And no, if you HAVE to run 8-10miles a day so you don’t get crazy, you’re not naturally skinny.

Plus, even is you are physically healthy, you might not be healthy. Physical health is just one dimension out of the 5 (sometimes 6 but only 5 will be in my exam, so we’ll leave it out). Remember, weight restoration does not mean you’re mentally cured.

3) Emotional Health: ”expressing emotions in an appropriate fashion and at an appropriate time. This included qualities such as self-esteem, self-confidence, self-efficacy, optimism, trust, love, and friendship.”

Well, eating disorders comes hand to hand with the lack of most (if not all) the qualities above. It goes better as we progress with recovery, but still.

4) Mental Health: ”the ability to think critically, find solutions, and learn; the ability to grow from experience.”

If you get triggered by Seventeen Magazine who put ultra-skinny Emo-looking raccoon-eyed Taylor Momsen on the cover page and interviewed her about her weight/diet/body, then don’t call yourself a healthy living blogger.

If you get triggered because someone told you looked healthier and you took it as if they said you were fat, then don’t call yourself a healthy living blogger.

The world is full of triggers. You need to grow a thicker skin and be able to rationalize if you want to get through it. Suck it up, grow up.

5) Spiritual Health: ”developing faith in something or someone else beyond yourself; a guiding sense of meaning or value in life. It may involve a belief in a supreme being or a specified way of living as prescribed by a particular religion.”

This one I must admit I have no idea what it means. I’m not into religious stuffs. If there’s a question about this on the exam, I’m screwed.

I think the reason why they want to be a ”healthy living blogger”, is because they want a label. A lot of people have trouble giving up their ED, because they are scared of losing their identities. Without ED, they think they are nothing. They need that label to define who they are. Of course, this is not true, but hey, easier said than done.

By jumping on the Recovery wagon, they are giving up their label (Anorexic, Bulimic, etc).  Who are they, then? They feel lost, they need another label.

So they try to be Healthy Living Blogger, or more precisely, the most inspirational personality among the ED Recovery Community. Of course, I noticed that this often translates to the blogger who… :

  • posts the most recipes with the ”safest” ingredients
  • posts pictures of oatmeal topped with egg whites/sugar-free jam/craisins/”naner”/”strawbzzzz” (at this point you don’t even see the oats)
  • posts pictures of him/her kissing jars of nut butters
  • posts his/her workout or training schedule
  • posts pictures of his/her groceries consisting of 43 Larabars, 23 boxes of PB Puffins cereals/Kashi Go Lean cereal, 24 different squashes (I know how a box of cereal looks like, I’ve been to a grocery store before)
  • leaves the most ass-kissing comments on every healthy-living blogs (”OMG that bowl of oatmeal looks soooo yummiiii!! Chocolate + Spinach + PB? Yes please!! I need to try that ASAP!! :D”)

Basically, the anorexia competition is replaced by the competition between who eats the healthiest, who exercises the most, who has the most fit body, who has the most perfect recovery, who has the most popular blog.

This leads to stress, orthorexia, binge eating, exercise compulsion, etc.

Pretty far from ”healthy living”.

——-

So I have another protein cake recipe. I know, again. Thing is, I usually just use other people’s recipes, and the one I came with by myself are all protein powder based.

Cranberry Chocolate Chip Protein Cake

Ingredients
  • 3 extra-large (120g) egg whites
  • 90g canned pumpkin
  • 15og strawberry or cranberry or vanilla yogurt (I like strawberry the best)
  • 40g Vanilla Whey Protein powder
  • 20g whole wheat flour
  • 30g coconut flour
  • 4 packets of sweetener (1 packet = 2tsp of sugar)
  • 3/4 tsp baking soda
  • 1 tsp baking powder
  • Chocolate chips (or  use chunks, like me)
  • Chopped cranberries* (100g?) (you can use other type of berries: strawberries take a longer time to cook)
  • Water, if necessary
Directions
  1. Preheat oven to 375.  Spray a bundt pan with cooking spray or better, use a silicone pan.
  2. Beat the egg white on high speed until foamy. Add the pumpkin and yogurt and beat until well mixed.
  3. Mix the dry ingredients together and add it to the wet mixture with a spatula. Add 1-2 tbsp of water if you feel the batter is too thick
  4. Add cranberries and chocolate chips
  5. Bake for 27-30min, or until a toothpick comes out clean.
  6. Chill before serving.

*microwave half of them with sweetener for 30sec if you want

You can scale down the recipe to 1/2, or even 3/4. I’ve tried that and it works well (but adjust cooking time). You can use any other type of pan, but of course consider the cooking time. For muffins, check after 20min.