How to NOT make it to my Google Reader

15 Dec

I’m supposed to be studying but I’m going to fail my physics exam anyway, so I thought I might as well rant my heart out because I haven’t bitched in over a week and I need my fix.

This post is more about ED recoverers (or people with EDs but are in denial) who wants to be HLBs  and why I don’t read them, so if you’re not familiar with EDs you will probably get confused.

1) Be 18 and younger

You know. Those teens who are 16 and have a healthy-living blog, and a bio where they say ”Ask me anything, don’t be shy!! I love answering questions about nutrition and health! ”.

Get the fuck out. I’m not going to take health/nutrition advice from a 16 year old, especially if she had/has eating disordered tendencies, runs 10 miles a day and eats like an orthorexic.

2) Have this ”inspiration/role model” statue

”Your my inspiration!!!!!”

I can’t stand that one.

Especially when that ”inspiration” is a 17 or 18 year old teen, who just post the good things about recovery and not the bad things. Which is good to not post, because it can be triggering. BUT you have to be consistent: if you just talk about the good things, you’re giving a false view of what recovery looks like, and OF COURSE you’re going to seem like an ”inspiration”.

And god dammit, you can’t be an inspiration if you are 18ish, because you haven’t seen the fucking world. You were just in your little recovery world, and you know nothing about the real world.

3) Blog about your recovery

You might think you’re helping someone, by posting your meal plans, your struggles (”Omg, I feel this way too!! I can SO relate!”), your workouts, etc…BUT NO. You’re not.

You’re fucking triggering. For an anorexic who turned into binge-eating, it is not helpful to see a controlled schedule, with X amount of Y food, at Z time, with some workouts thrown in it. Plus, the readers who have EDs, whether they are in active recovery or not, compare themselves to you. This fucking ”perfect recovery” competition. There’s is no such thing as a perfect recovery.

So, bottom line, you are not helping anyone but you.

But I’m blogging for myself!

Oh yeah? Go write in your journal.

But I’m helping others! I’m an inspiration to them!

See #2.

4) Speak in cutesy language

You begin your posts with…

  • Hey my Delicious Sparklely Christmas Cookies!
  • Hey my Scrump-dilli-lump-tious Pumpkin Pudding Cups!
  • Hey My Chocolate Cream-Filled Cookies!
  • Hey all of my Yubby Dubby Cutie Pies!
  • Hey my little Dark Chocolate Chips!
  • Hey My Chocolate Covered Cherries!
Do you think we’re in Care Bears’s world????! If you’re old enough to have a blog, you’re able to talk like someone who’s over 7 year old, right??
You use those annoying words, with enough smileys to make someone vomit:
  • Nom nom nom, that cottage cheese/protein powder/puffins snack was soooo yummiiiiiiii :]! I inhaled this bad boy, even though I’ve been eating that for months every single day!! So much better than cake :D! LOLZ
  • Peanut butter is soooo foodgasmic :3!!! I bought 6 jars of nut butters today, tee heeee :D! That’s how I roll! ;p

5) Be an Ass-kisser

If there’s something I hate, it’s when people lose sight of who they are, just so they can be friends with the big guys. Whenever I see a white knight coming to the rescue of a big blogger because someone left a negative opinion on the blog, it makes me want to puke. In real life, you’re gonna encounter tons of people who don’t agree with you, and there won’t be always someone to blow up smoke in your ass to comfort you, so:
  • to the big bloggers: suck it up.
  • to the ass-kissers: get lost.

Conclusion

If…
  • you’re trying to fit into the HLB cookie-cutter
  • you’re a recovery blogger
  • you’re a recovery blogger and trying to fit into the HLB cookie-cutter
  • you’re ”recovered” from an ED and trying to fit into the HLB cookie-cutter
  • you’re kissing people’s asses
  • you’re trying to fit into the HLB cookie-cutter and kissing people’s asses
  • you’re a recovery blogger and kissing people’s asses
  • you’re a recovery blogger, trying to fit into the HLB cookie-cutter and kissing people’s asses
  • you’re ”recovered” from an ED, trying to fit into the HLB cookie-cutter and kissing people’s asses

…I won’t read.

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17 Responses to “How to NOT make it to my Google Reader”

  1. puddleduckdiary December 15, 2011 at 5:01 pm #

    Agreed x 10000000. Bahahaha.

  2. Mitri December 15, 2011 at 7:04 pm #

    My favorite reaction of yours was: “Get the fuck out” in response to a sub-18-year-old saying they would offer nutrition advice. 😉

    I absolutely hate “cutesy” language. It is one thing to talk to a puppy or a baby with some cutesy language–I mean, the said puppy or baby kind of warrant it. They ARE that cute. And they are also infantile. Bloggers & their audiences? NO. STOP IT. When I read cutesy language, it makes me feel like my intelligence is being underestimated or something.

    Once upon a time I was considering what I’d have to do in order to become a “successful” HLB, should I decide to make one and dedicate an absurd amount of time to it, and I realized I’d have to create a more bubbly, “cutesy” online persona. Truth is, I am pretty cute. Cute like a really short 21-year-old girl with ringlet-curly hair can be. But not like a cupcake. And I am FAR from bubbly.

    As always, you nail it on the head. 🙂

    • asianbitch December 15, 2011 at 9:21 pm #

      People always say I’m ”cute” (smiley asian, very short, big eyes), until I open my mouth.

      And don’t even get me started on the sub-18-year-old (or anyone who doesn’t even had some kind of formation about EDs) that gives recovery advice (meal plan, calorie goal, etc) based on weight alone. Wtf, do you know the person blood test results?? Her heart rate?? Her blood pressure?? Stop playing Doctor Oz, acting like a I-know-it-all grown-up and go play with your Easy Bake Oven.

  3. Abby December 15, 2011 at 11:04 pm #

    Yes, yes and yes. However, I have never had and will never have/use/whatever Google Reader, so that takes care of that problem.

  4. serendipitousmornings December 16, 2011 at 2:29 am #

    Haha. I agree with the triggering parts. But I am guilty of reading hlb so I can’t say anything without sounding like a hypocrite. However, I completely agree with you about the advice-giving from young teens. They haven’t grown up yet. Heck, I’m almost 21 and haven’t grown up yet! So why should I give out advice, let alone read advice from 16 year old ‘recoverers’….
    p.s. if you do ever read my blog, I will try to not fall prey to any of those above notes.

    • asianbitch December 16, 2011 at 11:34 pm #

      Haha, don’t feel bad because of my rant. Don’t censure yourself, but be smart about it. If you feel like it’s too triggering, talk to your therapist or someone you trust.

  5. Eden December 16, 2011 at 7:02 pm #

    Ha! I wrote a post about 6 months ago called “Why I’m not reading your blog” and this list pretty much sums it up.

    I’m such an agist. I don’t like most people my own age. I’m an old soul I guess. But even old people annoy me so I guess I just have issues :/

    I don’t mind ass kissers as long as they wipe after they kiss 😉

  6. Thoa December 17, 2011 at 6:23 pm #

    Even tho I don’t read HLB by recovered teenage anorexics, I can imagine them to be not quite the healthy person’s cup of green tea. I can’t imagine a good life without at least a bowl of WHITE Japanese Koshihikari rice every day. Yea, I’m rice-ist.

  7. Ameena December 18, 2011 at 12:50 pm #

    I think that I am free and clear of all of these offensives. And if I happen to cross the line, please do let me know!

    I agree with 100% of what you write here. Love it.

  8. Lindsey @ Happy or Hungry December 19, 2011 at 3:42 pm #

    Yeah, so I think you basically summed up everything I dislike about blogs and why there are so many I don’t read. I had no idea what kind of “community” I was getting into when I started blogging, and also did not realize how disordered it was!

    I think I am guilty of “cutesy” (ish) language sometimes though, and I’m pretty sure I’ve started a lot of my posts with something like “Hola you cheeky minxes!” but I would say that in real life. I can not stand to use any phrase that has already been overused… I’m sure amazeballs made me laugh the first time I heard it (because anything with the word balls in it tends to make me laugh), but once everyone starts using it and saying it all the time it loses its luster and annoys me.

    Also, we didn’t end up participating in the door decorating contest, but the Snap, Crackle, Pop idea is awesome! Ah, maybe next year.

    • asianbitch December 20, 2011 at 11:17 am #

      Your posts are cool so I don’t mind the cutesy language. And the cutesy only bothers me when it’s a way to attract the readers and do the same as the big bloggers.

      My first idea was a life sized door in Christmas Rice Krispies treats. But nobody would have been able to enter the office. Nice excuse to take the day off, maybe.
      See why nobody take my ideas when we have to do a teamwork…?

  9. My Inner Chick December 20, 2011 at 11:53 pm #

    Fan-fucking-tastic.

    …..coming to you via Ameena.

    This is hilareous X

    18 year old food blogger? Haven’t seen that one yet.

    • asianbitch December 21, 2011 at 12:10 am #

      Hah, you haven’t seen the whole fucked up ”recovery blogs” community: 14-16 years old giving advice on nutrition, fitness and health, how to workout, etc.
      I, myself, am not even 18. But I’m not delusional or conceited enough to give medical advice to a person struggling with something like anorexia or bulimia, or promoting the health benefits of X food when the only source I have is from something I have learnt in middle school. What can I say…I don’t like most bloggers that are around my age. They all seem to want to play grown-ups, act like they know it all and saving everybody that has an eating-disorder. Drives me bonkers.

      • Alexandra January 4, 2012 at 12:47 am #

        Unfortunately I’m going to have to disagree with you on this one. While I like your blog a lot and think it’s funny and “witty,” so-to-,speak, I think it’s highly inaccurate to undermine the intelligence or expertise of somebody just because they aren’t 18 yet. I, myself, am not yet 18, but in all honesty, I think I’m pretty darn smart and deserve to be taken just as seriously as someone twice or three-times my age.
        I HAVE struggled with an eating disorder in the past, but I don’t blog about it. Yes, I blog about food, but that’s because I LIKE food and I LIKE to cook and I always have, butter, sugar, eggs and all. I’m not all “orthorexic” like you say “HLBs” are. I think my blog exhibits a pretty healthy lifestyle and therefore can be considered a healthy living blog.
        Additionally, much of the nutrition information I can offer does NOT come from middle school. That is a sickening exaggeration. I’m very able to research nutrition on my own and make educated deductions of available resources to determine that the Atkins diet is a bunch of baloney and that carbs are, indeed, good for you. Even refined grains, despite their stigma as flat-out poison, can fit into a balanced diet.

        Where I’m coming from, I guess, is that it’s not accurate to say that the knowledge of someone who is younger than 18 years old is completely moot just because of their age “inadequacies.” I’m 17, and I’m adequate, I’d say. I’m not big-headed, or naive or what-not. I realize that I don’t know everything and in terms of my education, I have a LOOOONNNNGGG way to go, but I know some stuff, and just because I’m17 and not 27 doesn’t mean it doesn’t count for anything.

        The end.

      • asianbitch January 4, 2012 at 1:08 am #

        Always take what I say with a grain of salt.
        My post was written on a spurt because I saw a 15 year old giving health and nutrition advice. Her only background was that she read lots of healthy living blogs and considered herself as an ”expert”, mostly because she wanted to be part of the HLB community and wanted people to take her seriously. I think most of my posts have a small ”story” behind them, so that’s why I exaggerate a lot. The kind of teen I am talking about is the kind that exhibits unhealthy habits, yet gives health advice. You know, the orthorexic kind, who is enabling all the other ED recoverers into thinking that running a marathon every week and eating 189% clean is the perfect way to recover. It has taken me every single bit of strength that I have to not name those people. Most of them are under 18, so that’s why.

        *But* I will never take for granted information from someone who doesn’t have some kind of qualification in the area. I don’t consider them stupid, but I will do my own research or reach someone who is more qualified. There are too many nut heads in the world (and not just teens).
        ETA: One good example of a nut head that thinks of herself as a health expert: http://getoffmyinternets.net/2012/01/03/hellobrit-invents-healthy-new-diet-plan/#comment-140924

  10. Steph March 6, 2012 at 1:25 am #

    LOL there is this one blogger who shall remain unnamed, who always always ALWAYS starts her daily post with “Hey my -stupid annoying recipe name-‘s!” and it’s just irritating. No one wants to be your chocolate baby muffinball, you annoying chubby HLB.

    • asianbitch March 8, 2012 at 8:49 pm #

      Buahaha!
      I know, and I hate the part where she says ”Thanks for all the comments on my last post *inserts link*”. Can you just be honest and say: ”Here’s a link to my previous post, please check it out and leave comment!”

      Edited because I misread the comment. Haha.

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