Things That Are Only OK To Do If You’re The One Who’s Doing It

25 Dec

1) Farting

My farts are, in my humble opinion, one of the smelliest farts, but I can tolerate them. It makes me gag when I smell other’s farts. I almost puked when I was at Popeye’s (a supplement store), and this big guy beside me launched a gas bomb. That was a protein fart, no doubt about it.

2) Pooping

You know, when you’re going to the public washrooms, and this person has forgotten to flush her #2? You turn around and immediately pick another toilet, right? People don’t mind flushing their own poop, but you will most likely never see someone flushing other people’s poop, unless it’s an emergency.

3) Blogging about farting and pooping

I don’t care about farts and poop, it’s vulgar to blog about it, but I find it interesting and funny when I, and only I, blog about it.

4) Burping

If you want to cut my appetite, burp in front of me. That will do it. I don’ feel that way when I burp, just when other’s are doing it.

5) Complaining

Again, I don’t find it (as) annoying when I’m the one complaining.

Since we are on this topic…

I can feel the 679 tweets that are coming from the people suffering from an ED are going to be:

OMG I’M A HUGE HAMMMM!! I’M SOOOO FAT!! HOLY SHIT, I AM SO FAT!!!

I LOOK SO BLOATED, IT SEEMS LIKE I HAVE A DOUBLE COATING OF DEEP-FRIED KFC CHICKEN BATTER AROUNG ME!!

Everyone. Everybody. Everything is annoying!!! ED SUCKS!

UGHHH I’m so triggered, my cousin ate less in the morning because of Christmas feast!! SHE HAS AN ED!!! WE MUST PUT HER IN IP!!!!!!!

I ate more than my 7 year-old sister!!! OMG 😥

I am struggling so hard with my fear of sodium!!!!

And then those people re-tweet each other:

Noooo you are pretty and beautiful!!!

SHADDUP. It doesn’t matter if you are pretty or beautiful. That doesn’t make you a better person.

Be strong lovie!! Don’t listen to X! That person has eating disordered tendencies if she didn’t ate her morning snack just because she’ll be having trukey, gravy, chocolate cake, tiramisu, brownie and cookies later!! That’s restriction!!!!

You can do it!!! Kick ED in the ass by having this salad with dressing!!! YOU CAN DO ITTTTT!!!!

I don’t have a twitter, because I find people who are constantly tweeting their fat feelings for the world to see are somewhat…narcissistic? I mean, I AM narcissistic (this post is a good example), but I try to hide it IRL. Unless you are very close to me, I don’t give a damn that you:

  1. Are at the restaurant, saying ”ED won’t be allowed at the dinner table”
  2. Are eating the world’s best cheesecake and ”kicking ED in the ass”
  3. 1 hour later, feeling disgusting and fat
  4. Are receiving 43 tweets, saying ”You are beautiful, enjoy yourself because ED is a liar, blablabla”

6) Complaining about Christmas sucking

Again, I don’t feel posts that talk about how much Holidays suck are really that interesting (this one is great though). But again, when I complain about it, it makes me feel better and I think of myself as funny, and it doesn’t annoy me as much.

Since we are on this topic…

CHRISTMAS SUCKS!!!

I always felt bad for Charlie Brown when his tree fell. I hate that part of the movie.

  1. Every store is closed. We are out of ground pepper. Dammit.
  2. My mom just took 23$ out of my wallet in 1$ and 2$ because the bank is closed and we are out of change for our corner shop.
  3. All the facebook statues that are saying ”I got X for Christmas!! SOOOO HAPPY!!”. Hmpf.  Stop bragging about it. I know, it’s your right to be happy and my fault if I’m an horrible zealous hater.
  4. It’s the 4th or 5th Christmas that I tell myself I’m going to be happy and all that shit. That I’m not going to be struggling and blablabla. And now I realize that I still have a long way to go.

Now, I want you all, in the comment section, to tell me I’m beautiful, to stay strong and that this year is going to be different, that God will make everything fine, that you’re feeling sorry that I’m spending a lame Christmas and that I’m out of ground pepper.

Happy Holidays!

Advertisements

5 Responses to “Things That Are Only OK To Do If You’re The One Who’s Doing It”

  1. Abby December 25, 2011 at 12:15 pm #

    You’re beautiful, stay strong and this year is going to be different, God will make everything fine, and I’m sorry you’re out of ground pepper.

    Now even though it’s not YOU doing it, I will complain that I have had a shitty holiday and just kind of want tomorrow to come so I can physically and mentally feel better and move on. However, I will never accept “protein” as an excuse for stinky farts. Yes, food affects farts, but that doesn’t mean you have permission to just drop them wherever you want because you eat too many eggs. I used to work at a gym and guys did it all the time. Not cool.

    I do hope you have a decent day and remember that each day IS a new chance to take the next healthy step forward. I’m trying to remember that myself.

  2. Ameena December 26, 2011 at 1:08 pm #

    I complain like it’s my job. It’s terrible. But the instant my husband or daughter start? I inform them of my “no complaining policy.” Funny enough they never point out my contradictory behavior.

    And as for all the other items on your list? Once you change a nasty diaper nothing else bothers you again. Ever.

  3. Lindsey @ Happy or Hungry December 27, 2011 at 12:08 am #

    I am sorry you are having a lame Christmas…mine probably would have been lame if it weren’t for my boyfriend’s family, who are awesome. But my own family is kinda lame. Just saying… I mean dinner and presents were great, but I can’t talk to them about anything more than surface things.

    Annnnd this is why I do not follow random people on twitter. I’m pretty sure I don’t follow anyone with an ED (although I guess you never know). But yeah, EVERYONE (myself included) tweets about eating a lot on Christmas. To be fair, I have seriously been stuffing my face non-stop for two days and now I feel gross, so yep, I tweeted about it (but I tried to be funny – not omg please tell me how beautiful I am!)

    I know you are beautiful. But I do think it is time to show a picture of your lovely self 🙂

    And UGH. BURPING!!!! I cannot stand burping! Drives me crazy.

    • asianbitch January 1, 2012 at 2:54 pm #

      All Asians look the same, my face is very ordinary 😉

  4. Mattie @ Comfy and Confident December 27, 2011 at 12:43 am #

    I am sorry you are not having the greatest Christmas, but all your points for sooooo true. Every single one. I mean, I know a lot of us don’t feel great after the holiday’s, but tweeting about it is unnecessary!
    And all your farting, burping, pooping stuff… so hilarious and so right. I do not do any of that unless I am in the privacy of my own home, ALONE!

    I want to let you know:
    You’re beautiful, stay strong and this year is going to be different, God will make everything fine, and I’m sorry you’re out of ground pepper.

C'mon, tell me what you think!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: