ED recoverers are sensitives. Sometimes, overly sensitives.
They think everybody is trying to bring them down, and they immediately bite back, often without valuable reasons. Especially this time of the year.
A few examples.
1) Jane Doe: Wow, you are going to eat all that?
ED person:OMFG SHUT THE FUCK UP, YES I WAS GOING TO EAT IT ALL, BUT NOW THAT YOU CALLED ME A FAT COW, I WON’T EAT ANYTHING AND I’LL STARVE MYSELF AND IT WILL BE ALLLLL YOUR FAULT!!
Calm down, princess. Is it that hard to say: ”Yes, I’m going to eat it all.” ?
2) Jane Doe: I just did a massive workout! I am so proud of myself! As a reward, I am having a burger! Yay 🙂
ED person, in a sarcastic tone: OMG really? I’M HAVING A BURGER TOO AND NO NEED FOR A WORKOUT TO GET IT!
Seriously? That is like the equivalent of you saying ”I just conquered a fear food today, I had a massive brownie with Dulce de Leche drizzle on top, I’m so proud of myself!” and someone replied with a sarcastic ”OMG really? I had the same thing and I didn’t even had second thought about it, stop bragging about it, you’re stupid!”.*
*Personally, I don’t mind if people tell me I’m stupid for bragging about it, because I get that it is a little bit ridiculous. But I know some people are more sensitive than others, especially if they are at the beginning of recovery, so I keep my mouth shut.
Hey, that guy looks happy. So don't be a Debby Downer and be happy for him too. Don't be a royal bitch.
3) Jane Doe: You are looking healthier!
ED person: OMG YOU JUST TOLD ME I’M FAT! I’M GOING TO STARVE MYSELF, I’M SO TRIGGERED!!! I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMOOOOORRREEEEE, BOUHOUHOU!!
No comment.
4) Jane Doe: Gosh, I think I gained much more than I thought! My pants are a lot tighter than usual with all those Holiday parties! Oh well, I think I found my New Year’s Resolution.
ED person: OMG YOU HAVE NO CONSIDERATION FOR ME!! HOW CAN YOU SAY TRIGGERING STUFFS LIKE THAT IN FRONT OF A RECOVERING ANOREXIC, THAT IS UNACCEPTABLE!!! YOU ARE SO FUCKING RUDE, BITCH!
God dammit. The world doesn’t turn around you and you recovery. Let people live their lives. If they want to eat lighter, let them eat lighter. Don’t be a selfish ass. Just because they want to do something for them instead of baby talking you in your recovery doesn’t mean they don’t care about you anymore.
Don’t try to stop people who gained weight over the Holidays from dieting. Chances are, they are going to be annoyed at the stick thin anorexic recoverer, who is telling them that they will get too thin and unhealthy. You see, hypocritical people are annoying. And most of them are going to give up on their diet anyway, if you don’t remind them of it.
—
I’ve gotta admit I’m sick of people always blaming their illness for their selfishness. Eating disorders ARE making people selfish, so work on that instead of thinking the world is going to change just for you.
It is not other people’s job to think about what’s appropriate to say to you and what’s not, it’s also YOUR job to be able to interpret things correctly.
Cut the drama.
Asian B*tch 
I’m glad you brought this issue up; it’s quite interesting. I remember when I first started reading those bubble-gummy magazines like Cosmo and SHAPE and other fashion/fitness/diet-related publications in high school, and I absorbed the advice on losing weight as if it were EXACTLY for me, even though I was never overweight. Why I ever thought I was the primary audience, I do not know. I was so focused on myself.
I must say I do not like the anti-“clean eating” movements that some ED recovery folk begin as they try to justify their food choices. First of all, they need not justify their food choices to anyone. No one cares what they eat other than people who are in their EDs, looking to pick on others or to compete. Secondly, I don’t know why to “recover” people must turn a blind eye to the fact that eating unhealthy for the majority of your foods DOES have negative consequences. Gaining weight is not the only negative consequence, for you can live on a diet of twinkies and still be skinny. My brother had a friend who was and is still very skinny, but he got diabetes because he drank so much coke on a daily basis. Recently my boyfriend got sick–super bad sore throat, congestion, etc. My immune system, built by copious amounts of healthy foods, delayed me from getting sick. Then I got the sore throat for one day, ate a shit ton of high-vitamin-C fruits that day and avoided unhealthy foods, and I stopped the sickness from progressing. When I eat super unhealthy for a few days? I start feeling bad physically. Fact is, body biologically requires certain nutrients and works better when fed foods with antioxidants, vitamins, minerals, etc.
Heart disease, cancer, even ailments like arthritis CAN be directly effected or caused by diet. If you truly want to live a long and happy life, take care of your body by eating plenty of fruits and vegetables, fatty fish like salmon, raw nuts, and so on. This is not to say no one should ever eat cookies and cake, or tasty processed foods, but they are called “treats” or “junk food” for a reason–that reason being they are best saved for special occasions, like birthdays, and that they are generally nutritionally devoid.
Guess what? My parents are overweight. They are the primary audience for weight loss or clean eating articles/blogs, not people with EDs. I hope they eat more broccoli and less cookies, and I see them doing that. It is a good thing. They do not have EDs just because they are learning that they can fill up on broth-based soup and thereby have a slight caloric deficit for the day.
In a non-ED world, it is about balance. Eating a very healthy meal and ending it with a small treat. Eating a really big unhealthy meal out with your friends one day and eating super healthy and light the next day. Eating healthy is about way more than weight. It is about extending your life and making the quality of your life superior to one of sickness.
Ok, I’m out of breath.
I know. It seems like if you are recovering from an ED, and you eat some ”junk food”, you are immediately getting praised for it. I mean, it’s just food in the end. Plus, they always brag about it. I’m like, ok fine, you ate at the Cheesecake Factory, you don’t need to tell the world you ate there because you wanted to challenge your ED and whatever. Just eat, I don’t care WHY you ate there.
Hopefully your BF will feel better soon 🙂
I really enjoyed this post! You are absolutely right on all of those things. People with ED’s think they are somewhat “special” in that if they aren’t allowed to lose weight, then nor is anyone else. I am totally guilty of thinking all of these things, but I can also see the flip side and I’m embarrassed that’s how I think. Here’s to changing and becoming normal like everyone else!
The sensitivity of recoverers is a bit of two-sided subject. On one hand, there is actually a group that are still so entrenched in the ED that will react like this purely for how strong it is, and then others who try and put a bubble around their recovery.
I think what we all really need to learn to do is separate ourselves from others’ situations. I know for sure I don’t need to lose weight, so why should someone else’s diet affect mine? My brother might think V8 juice has too much sodium, but fuck it, it tastes good to me.
In some ways, making a big deal about something like eating a brownie or something that was previously ‘forbidden’ almost emphasises the fact that, with an ED, eating food like that is bad. I think that when you are recovering, food needs to be what it is. Not abnormal, just simply enjoyable.
P.S I googled ‘Asian Bitch’ to link myself back here [forgot to bookmark!]. Don’t try it, unless you like depraved porn. Pages and pages of depraved porn. o__o
I KNOW. I tried to google myself to verify if it linked to my facebook or personal stuffs, and I was like…Okaaaaaaay, why the fuck did I choose a name like that.
I think this applies to so many other circumstances too…we are all sensitive about different things but really, it’s our responsibility to take something a certain way instead of the way we think it was meant.
Does that make sense to anyone but me?
In any case, you put it well. Great post.
You totally make sense. 😉