I Am Not Recovered.

10 Feb

So after 3 weeks, I have decided to write a post. I usually don’t post when I have nothing to say, but we’ll make an exception.

It’s short and all, but I’m pretty tired: it’s been a long week, I don’t think I can continue studying in the Health & Science program and my grades have been pretty shitty. White Asian girls’s #1 problem.

I'm so un-Asian.

The only highlight of the week is that I have been doing more volunteering work and it makes me feel a bit better about myself. It feels good to make others feel good.

So here it goes:

I don’t mind people telling me I’m a psycho (img 1), a bitch, crazy and all that shit.

img 1

But don’t fucking say I’m rude because I’m recovered (img 2).

img 2

I am NOT recovered. 

I want it to be clear. People tend to assume I am because of the way I view things.

  • I am able to view things from a normal perspective, unlike those who are in denial about their love for running (while 80lbs soaking wet), unsweetened almond milk, stevia, shirataki noodles and their allergy for rest days, milk, sugar, pasta and Doritos.
  • I am able to admit that I drink almond milk because I have issues with chocolate cow milk.
  • I am able to go by each day without having to whine on my blog/Formspring/Facebook/Tumblr/Tweeter about my struggles every single day.

All in all, don’t say I’m recovered because I’m honest. Say I’m rude because I don’t cuddle people suffering from eating disorders.

P.S.: Oh yeah, don’t say you hate drama (img 3) when you publicly (img 4) intend to create drama and publicly gossip (img 5) about it.

img 3

img 4

img 5

It makes it easy for me to publicly snark on you if I’m in a bad mood (and I’m not snarking. I just needed an example of somebody who thinks I’m a psycho and recovered from my ED). As I said, everyone is allowed to say shit about me, but if you don’t want me to know about it, don’t say it all over the place.  Common sense, people.

ETA: Just a note. The main point of this post was to make it clear that I am not recovered, not to say that those girls are mean and all that stuffs. I’m not hurt at all, people are allowed to not like me. It is just that the whole thing made me realize that some people think I am recovered when I’m not, and I don’t want to give the wrong impression that I am. Plus, the whole thing is kinda funny.

ETA: Had to put up the images because the questions were deleted.  The Internet never forgets.

Off Topic.

I’ve been listening to those songs (not Lady Gaga/Katy Perry/Justin Bieber types of songs).

Ok, maybe the last one is a bit of a ”Fallout Boy/Hedley” type of song.

And those are THE BEST ”Sh*t people say”, hands down:


16 Responses to “I Am Not Recovered.”

  1. Fiona February 11, 2012 at 6:56 am #

    I am really sorry that people have been so freaking rude and ignorant. Just because you don’t complain and you are trying hard to do what you can, does not mean someone’s recovered and besides, what business is it of anyones but yours and those people for whom you make it their business?
    People think i’m a lot better than I am too, because I don’t tend to tell them otherwise, i put on a happy face, and i’m a lot heavier these days. But when things are really bad and I need help, noone will believe me, that is when it really sucks.
    Hope things get better for you. Hang in there x

    • Fiona February 11, 2012 at 7:02 am #

      ps that girl is a real bitch 😛

      • asianbitch February 11, 2012 at 7:45 am #

        Oh, I don’t really think she’s a bitch. She seems nice and everything, just a bit naive and innocent. She reminds me a bit of my former 15 year old self…you know, loving drama until it bites you back.
        I’m also pretty sure I would have say the exact same thing about my blog when I was into the whole Recovery Online Community, haha.

        I would never call anyone a ”bitch” just for hating my blog 🙂

    • asianbitch February 11, 2012 at 7:41 am #

      People tend to confuse physical recovery with mental recovery. You can be physically recovered, but still have a long way to go. Personally, I just strive for ”living a normal life and being able to deal with ED behaviors” as opposed to a ”FULL RECOVERY 100% ED FREE” goal that many of those recoverers have. With the society that we live in, it’s impossible to be totally fine with our appearance or having a total healthy relationship after an ED.

      I get a lot of ”You’re not even that skinny, stop being an attention seeker” from my mom. But hey, if you can deal with most of the behaviors by yourself (not constantly asking for reassurance), then it will only make you less vulnerable to relapse.

      • Fiona February 11, 2012 at 8:31 am #

        it’s far easier (and braver) to put on the weight than stay underweight, i know that I just have a harder time coping altogether now. I don’t have that ‘out’ of using starvation to distract from or shut up what is really wrong. And people aren’t giving me any easy cop outs of life like they did when I appeared sick. Im sorry your mum said that to you. It’s not fair, and it’s not true. Weight is only the symptom of the illness, the illness is still there after the weight restoration. I’ve actually had doctors say that to me – “You have gained the weight, well done, you are better now – bye!” ED program doctors no less!!
        I agree with what you said. Only we can do the hard yards. And when we just stick with it and keep on going through the hell of it, it will get easier, It will definitely become something we are more able to tolerate than if we had kept backing out over and over like before
        About snarking and bitchiness, I like that you are honest. And I think it’s HEALTHY not to be the ‘nice girl’ all the time. Too many of us with ED spend our lives trying to be the nice girl to everyone else and I really think that’s part of what keeps us sick. xx

      • Fiona February 11, 2012 at 8:34 am #

        and totally agree re ‘total recovery’ as opposed to being able to live as symptom free as possible. I don’t believe it’s possible to be totally recovered esp in this society. But symptom free… oh that would be dream 🙂 good luck.

  2. MelissaNibbles February 11, 2012 at 7:26 am #

    Sorry people have been such bitchfaces. There’s no need for that.

    I’m glad volunteering has been going well for you. Where have you been volunteering? I volunteer at an animal shelter. It’s AWESOME.

    We have the same taste in music!

    • asianbitch February 11, 2012 at 7:53 am #

      You always need a bit of drama to stir things a bit 🙂
      I have more issues with the girl wanting to create gossip than the one who actually created it (more from innocence and naivety than meanness, she actually felt really bad and apologized), not because she hates my blog, but because she’s mad that ”somebody told me”. If you don’t want me to know, why did you ask for my blog and to be ”included in the gossip” on a PUBLIC Formspring??

      I do friendly visits! I go to elderly people’s home and spend time with them. They are surprisingly wise sometimes. It’s not much but it’s better than nothing. They are happy to see me (I think?). I would love to volunteer at an animal shelter too, but I haven’t found one that’s in my area. Plus, I would want to adopt all the cats.

      p.s: Listen to this one 🙂

  3. Ameena February 11, 2012 at 11:23 am #

    People have no tact. I realize this more and more, the older I get. It’ll never change. Unfortunately. So sorry that you have to deal with it as well!

    Have a great weekend my friend. Take care of yourself.

  4. Liz February 11, 2012 at 11:49 am #

    This is the ONLY ED-related blog I’ve ever read and thought afterwards, “Wow, this girl has some legitimately new, honest, and/or hilarious content! I think I might add this to my google reader!” I’m sorry you have to put up with shit from the dumbs. I think there’s an inverse correlation between probability a person with an ED will start a blog and ability to not write like paris hilton.

    • asianbitch February 11, 2012 at 1:41 pm #

      Hahaha, this made me laugh out loud. Paris Hilton…! I just pictured her in ”Paris’ BFF” reality show, wearing a tutu and a tiara, with a star shaped magic wand.

  5. Blonde on a Mission February 11, 2012 at 2:40 pm #

    Yours is refreshing and tells it like it is. I love that. That was bitchy of her to make assumptions that you are recovered…but we’ve kind of already had this discussion 😉
    (creepy secretive winking face…?)
    And I’m not really posting at all because I have nothing to say either. So much better than filler posts! This one packs a punch.
    You’re awesome.

    • asianbitch February 11, 2012 at 10:49 pm #

      Oh, I think this post is lame. I feels like I just used fillers, there’s no real content, just a few of my favorite videos and a bunch of teenagers gossiping. But it was too funny not to post about it, and like I said, the purpose of the post was to make clear that I wasn’t recovered.

  6. Mitri February 14, 2012 at 9:27 pm #

    When you’re still in high school and even in undergraduate college, it’s hard to believe that there IS a world in which females rise above Gossip. It is a world of professionalism.


    I’m glad you are comfortable with admitting you are not recovered. I can relate to that much more than I can relate to being “in” an ED or being “recovered.” I hate even saying that since, if I were diagnosed, it would just be EDNOS, which is not competitive enough for anorexia sooo wouldn’t count, right? 😉 Anyway… carry on. I need your thought-provoking posts beneath the “bitchy” veneer to feel whole again.

    Also, I LOVE Asian Dad and Asian Mom. Those are my favorites, second to the “Shit Girls Say to Gay Guys” and the Fashion Girls one with that hilarious bearded man.


  1. Bitch, Quit Lying! « Asian B*tch - February 18, 2012

    […] are aware that they have a problem and don’t address it to their readers. So not ‘lying’ per say, but misleading (hence why I was so adamant to point out that I was NOT recovered) […]

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