Things you say but don’t believe

22 Jan

1) I don’t care about numbers

If you had an ED, unless you have alzheimer or have received electro-shock treatment or have been hypnotized, you will always care about numbers. Heck, even normal women who never had an ED care about numbers! Stop acting like you are the Recovery Queen or whatever Inspiration Role Model.

There’s no shame is saying that you care that this sundae is 800 calories for a tiny piece, or that you don’t want to be 300lbs.

2) I don’t care about ”haters”

We are humans. We live in a society where everything is based on how others perceive us. If a lot of people are saying that you are a annoying bitch and you’re the only one who thinks you are a Saint, you shouldn’t not care about it.

Oh, and when I say ”haters”, I don’t mean ”trolls”*, but people who have constructive negative comments. I put  ”haters” in comas because these people are often wrongly portrayed as haters-who-hate-themselves. Not all negative comments are stupid. In fact, a comment that’s not ”Holy yum! I need to try that oatmeal recipe! I love PB and chocolate together, such a foodie!” is often more interesting.

*If it’s a troll’s comment, like this, chances are that Puddleduck and I are going to come out with a sarcastic reply (except when the comment is too boring. If that’s so, there’s no point in wasting your time) and move on to more important stuffs, like how to avoid having all the raisins at the bottom of the Raisin Bran Cereal box .

3) McDonald’s French fries are so gross! I much prefer Kale chips!

Le EVIL. Le DEATH.

Le YUMMY. Le BEST.

…and right after, you say that you don’t care about numbers.

Right.

4) Nom Nom Nom! This Pumpkin Pie Oatmeal tastes just like a real pumpkin pie!

NO.

STOP IT.

It tastes like oatmeal with pumpkin, stevia and cinnamon.

5) I workout just because I love it, and nothing else!

I get all the endorphin love afterwards. But when I workout, it’s also to keep myself in shape.

I can bet serious money that if it didn’t make you burn 400 calories, you wouldn’t do it.

6) OMG, that salad beast: FOODGASM! Better than sex, tee hee!

On a 16 year old’s blog: How edgy. Want to make me believe you are not a virgin anymore? Better chance next time.

On an adult’s blog: Change your partner. He/She is probably not doing it right.

That chick probably had a ''salad beast'' before sex.

Bloggers & Privacy

15 Jan

I noticed that a lot of young HLBs (18 year old orthorexics giving health advice) and ED Recoverer Role Models (2 types: either the type who is whining constantly so others can relate, or either the type who is making seem like they have the perfect recovery) are putting a lot of information out there.

Honestly, I think it’s stupid.

It makes me cringe when I see ED Recoverer Role Models, telling their followers to not be scared of calories in alcohol because, hey, they drank a lot to tequila last night and didn’t get fat! Problem is when they are underage and are very, very easily Googlable. Heck, I fully admit I did not-so-legal stuffs. But at least I don’t shout my real name.

Replace ''Facebook'' by ''Blog''...Yikes

When you will get a job, your boss will Google your name and find out that you:

  • are a Green Chia Seed Smoothie fanatic
  • freaked out when your workout schedule changed
  • freaked out when you learnt thar TJ’s Peanut Flour was going to be discontinued and bought 30kg of it
  • freaked out when an Anon told you you looked like you had a 30 BMI when you are lower than that
  • cried over the fact that the company printed the nutritional facts wrong and you ingested 40 calories more than you thought, complained to the company 10x and sent them 50 hate mails.
  • left comments like ”OMG ME TOO I LOOOOVE OATS! I WANNA MARRY OATS AND HAVE SEX WITH OATS!!!! TEE HEE, NOM NOM NOM!!
  • took picture of yourself kissing jars of nut butters
  • ate Miracle Rice with nutritional yeast on top, and called it ”cheesy rice”
  • took pictures like this (sometimes in sports bra, after a workout):

I figured, the day I’ll be famous and be a celebrity, I would probably like to not see ”SHE USED TO EAT CCK’S FUDGE BABIES AND THROW IT ALL UP, ALONG WITH 3 BAGS OF DORITOS!” or ”CRAZY! SHE TOOK PICTURES OF A SPINACH PUMPKIN BANANA PROTEIN PANCAKES FOR WIAW FOR 3 WEEKS!”on the front page.

Believe me, I did share too much information about myself on my previous blog, and it scared the shit out of me. Enough for me to delete everything and still have nightmares about it.

The only thing I am now somewhat comfortable sharing is a photoshopped and blurry annoying self-portrait of me on my formspring page (this is where you go if you want to be anonymous but still send me hate mails, or if you want to ask me if I really had sex with my oats). And I still think I’m stupid for doing this and will regret it later. I’m paranoid like that. I think it might have to do with my narcissistic personality:

I want to show my 10 readers a picture of me!

They must be dying to know what I look like, right??

I know you don’t, but I can’t help it. Sorry.

Anyway, I know that sometimes posting pictures of yourself on the Internet can be a double sided sword:

  • Oh, you’re so pretty!
  • Gah, ur fucking ugliiii!
If you are going to post pictures of yourself, be sure you are the type who will not let your day be ruined because of something like this. Things like that happen. And being ugly is not the worst thing that will happen to your life, so get over it.
So yeah, I think it’s stupid to leak so much information about ourselves on the Internet.

No, OK, it’s not completely true. 70% of me think it’s stupid, and the other 30% is just me being scared that people will find out about my ED. I haven’t ”came out” yet.

Q: How much is too much? What are your thoughts on being more anonymous than not? Are you easily ”Googlable”?

How to make your readers believe you are naturally skinny

8 Jan

Dear ED Recovery Blog Reader and HLB Reader, you might have been tricked into thinking that some bloggers can eat whatever they want and remain thin.

How is that?!

Well, I shall reveal those not-so-secret secrets!

And, while I’m at it, throw in some names. What can I say…it’s past 2:00am, and I’m in a Bitchy Mood.

ETA: Well, some people say it’s rude to name them and to link back. I’m in a Sunshine Mood today, so I’m fixing that.

1) Use tiny bowls and take super close up photos so your meals look huge.

A common one. Tiny utensils also help.

It looks full. But I can count the number of Rotini pasta on that plate.

2) Take pictures of heaping teaspoons tablespoons of nut butter

But be careful; don’t forget to use tiny spoons!!!

Oh, and never show these heaping tablespoons anywhere near the food you eat, because “you always eat from the jar because you’re sooooooo baddddddd”.

3) Take photos, but don’t eat it.

Take a picture of that stack of pancakes, then neglect to mention that you only ate one.

Oh, and that pat of Earth Balance that you put on it for the photoshoot? Be sure to remove it.

4) Use only aerial shots, so no one sees that the food rises 1cm above the plate.

Spread to the max, and be sure to have minimal 3D effect.

5) Say endlessly that you went back for seconds and thirds, and that you ate many unpictured items.

I also had 3x this bowl of pasta!

I had a big piece of Opera cake, but no picture, sorry!!! But it was so good!

I had a ton of unpictured granola!

Say this over and over again. Make your readers believe that you are constantly eating. It’s like a brainwashing process: implant that idea in their heads, MUAHAHAHA!!!

6) Neglect to tell your readers that you are using Miracle rice, Shirataki noodles or Low carb noodles.

But be warned! The Miracle Rice can only fool stupid (or blind) readers! If your readers have decent eyes, they will notice that the”rice” isn’t shaped like rice.

006

A lovely, naturally skinny, health obsessed, exercise fanatic girl that shall not be named tried to pass this as ''cheesy rice'' to her naive readers.

Oh, and if you notice Fettucini-type noodles that are irregularly shaped (very short noodles in the mix), it is probably Carba Nada noodles.

This lovely blogger that shall not be named just said it was ''pasta with roasted cauliflower, shrimp, goat cheese and marinara sauce.'' I think typing ''low carb pasta'' would have taken too much time.

6) Neglect to tell your readers that you are getting the diet/skinny/mini version.

''Cheese and jam on a bagel!''. I think it's a mini bagel. Notice the cheese oozing out of it.

Or when you get a drink at Starbucks…don’t say you got the skinny version.

So yeah, I hope this post helped you on how to trick your readers! After all, who cares if they might be copying your eating habits, thinking it will help them with their weight…as long as you stay thin!!!

*Special thanks to Rosie, who helped me with this post, and GOMI’s Detectives.

Journey of a ED Recovery Blogger

6 Jan

1. Start a blog, dedicated to ED recovery.

2. Start reading all the popular, Recovery Gurus, who, most of the time, really are just Half-Assed Recovery Gurus.

3. Start posts with oatmeal and spinach blended in, egg whites, cottage cheese, stevia and ”melted nanner” trick a la CCK.

Random, I know. But I had to put a banana joke here.

4. Talk about your struggles

My mom told me I looked healthier…but I’m so upset! I feel sooooo fat!!

My mom said that I had a big lunch but it was just salad! It barely had any calories, she’s sooooo clueless and rude!!! Now I don’t want to eat dinner…

I ate a muffin for breakfast and feel soooo guilty…I did JM’s BFBM video, P90X Plyometrics and ran 3miles, but I still feel so uncomfortable!!!

5. Comment on every recovery blogs

OMFG That oatmeal look so yummy!!!!

Nom Nom Nom, that sounds soooooo good! I love chocolate and PB together, especially on oatmeal!

Yum! I need to try that oatmeal combo!

Awww, so sorry you had a bad day…keep going, stay strong, I love you!! xoxo

Awww, I know how you feel…I can so relate!

6. Talk about how everyone is beautiful, no matter what the numbers say…

LOVE YA BODYYYYY, it doesn’t matter how much you weigh!!! xoxo

7. …Proceed to talk about how uncomfortable you feel about your weight

8. Reach a healthy weight, think you are recovered and attempt to become a HLB (because you want a label)

Now, for some people, the adventure finishes here, because they are forever in denial: they blog about Clean Eating, Lifting weights, Running, etc., like they are professionals, knowing that 90% of their readers are struggling with an ED but  they don’t give a damn about whether or not they are fueling their orthorexia and exercise addiction. Or maybe they do give a damn, but they like their HLB title and like that their readers are worshiping them like as if they have discovered the cure to cancer, when all they did was to create a Voluminous Oatmeal Trick recipe.

I can’t believe all the ridiculous cults.

9. Realize that you are still fucked up and that some HLBs are fucked up too

10. Take a blogging break

Some people never go back to blogging because they are living their lives and mostly recovered (I say ”mostly” because I don’t believe in Full Recovery), which is the perfect scenario. But if you are still fucked up but wiser than before, you will continue on step 11.

11. 2 scenarios:

a) Go back to blogging, act like recovery was super easy and become an ”Inspiration”

Again, a cult is devoted to those bloggers. All their posts is now about:

  • loving your body
  • how they didn’t pick the lowest calorie item at the Cheesecake Factory (OMFG, WHAT AN INSPIRATION!!)
  • how AppleBee’s is so fucking yummy, and they ate a main meal WITH a dessert (OMFG, WHAT AN INSPIRATION!!)
  • how everyone who is picking a salad at a restaurant is eating-disordered and should be put in IP
  • how they don’t exercise but still have a rockin’ body

b) Go back to blogging, become a cynical bitch with a scary, well-developed HLB/ED Radar, with 0 compassion for bloggers who are getting their ass kissed by crazy fans.

Any ideas on what step 12 could be?

Moral of the story: think twice before starting a recovery blog.

Sensitivity Among ED Recoverers

4 Jan

ED recoverers are sensitives. Sometimes, overly sensitives.

They think everybody is trying to bring them down, and they immediately bite back, often without valuable reasons. Especially this time of the year.

A few examples.

1) Jane Doe: Wow, you are going to eat all that?

ED person:OMFG SHUT THE FUCK UP, YES I WAS GOING TO EAT IT ALL, BUT NOW THAT YOU CALLED ME A FAT COW, I WON’T EAT ANYTHING AND I’LL STARVE MYSELF AND IT WILL BE ALLLLL YOUR FAULT!!

Calm down, princess. Is it that hard to say: ”Yes, I’m going to eat it all.” ?

2) Jane Doe: I just did a massive workout! I am so proud of myself! As a reward, I am having a burger! Yay 🙂

ED person, in a sarcastic tone: OMG really? I’M HAVING A BURGER TOO AND NO NEED FOR A WORKOUT TO GET IT!

Seriously? That is like the equivalent of you saying ”I just conquered a fear food today, I had a massive brownie with Dulce de Leche drizzle on top, I’m so proud of myself!” and someone replied with a sarcastic ”OMG really? I had the same thing and I didn’t even had second thought about it, stop bragging about it, you’re stupid!”.*

*Personally, I don’t mind if people tell me I’m stupid for bragging about it, because I get that it is a little bit ridiculous. But I know some people are more sensitive than others, especially if they are at the beginning of recovery, so I keep my mouth shut.

Hey, that guy looks happy. So don't be a Debby Downer and be happy for him too. Don't be a royal bitch.

3) Jane Doe: You are looking healthier!

ED person: OMG YOU JUST TOLD ME I’M FAT! I’M GOING TO STARVE MYSELF, I’M SO TRIGGERED!!! I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMOOOOORRREEEEE, BOUHOUHOU!!

No comment.

4) Jane Doe: Gosh, I think I gained much more than I thought! My pants are a lot tighter than usual with all those Holiday parties! Oh well, I think I found my New Year’s Resolution.

ED person: OMG YOU HAVE NO CONSIDERATION FOR ME!! HOW CAN YOU SAY TRIGGERING STUFFS LIKE THAT IN FRONT OF A RECOVERING ANOREXIC, THAT IS UNACCEPTABLE!!! YOU ARE SO FUCKING RUDE, BITCH!

God dammit. The world doesn’t turn around you and you recovery. Let people live their lives. If they want to eat lighter, let them eat lighter. Don’t be a selfish ass. Just because they want to do something for them instead of baby talking you in your recovery doesn’t mean they don’t care about you anymore.

Don’t try to stop people who gained weight over the Holidays from dieting. Chances are, they are going to be annoyed at the stick thin anorexic recoverer, who is telling them that they will get too thin and unhealthy. You see, hypocritical people are annoying. And most of them are going to give up on their diet anyway, if you don’t remind them of it.

I’ve gotta admit I’m sick of people always blaming their illness for their selfishness. Eating disorders ARE making people selfish, so work on that instead of thinking the world is going to change just for you.

It is not other people’s job to think about what’s appropriate to say to you and what’s not,  it’s also YOUR job to be able to interpret things correctly. 

Cut the drama.

2012

31 Dec

Yes, 66% is unbelievable, considering I failed all my previous tests.  

I passed my mechanics class…

…Which means the end of the world approaches.

We should really be scared for December 21 2012.

Happy New Year!

Differences between HLB, Jane Doe & Me

29 Dec

1) Diagnoses

HLB:

  • Anorexia Nervosa
  • Anorexia Athletica
  • Gluten-intolerance
  • IBS
  • Wheat-intolerance
  • Soy-intolerance
  • McDonald’s-intolerance
  • Carb-intolerance
  • Narcissistic personality disorder
  • Etc.

Jane Doe: Peanut allergy

Me:

  • Anorexia Nervosa (diagnosed)
  • Bulimia (undiagnosed)
  • Self-harming (undiagnosed)
  • Socially Disabilitated Bitch disease (no need for diagnosic)

2) Milk substitute

HLB: ”OMG Unsweetened almond milk taste soooo much better than cow milk!”

Jane Doe: ”I can’t taste the difference. My bowl of Rice Krispies  does the same sound anyway, whether I use one or the other.”

Me: I use unsweetened almond milk. Because it has a longer life shelf, my sister likes it, my mom is a bit lactose-intolerant and also because I have issues.

3) Meat

HLB: ”What…??!! You’re not vegan???!!! SHAME ON YOU.”

Jane Doe: ”Mmmm…meat!”

Me: One of the worst thing that can happen at McDonald’s is when they run out of BBQ sauce for the Chicken McNuggets.

4) Carrot Cake

HLB: This.

Jane Doe: This.

Me: This.