Tag Archives: ED

CC Pet Peeves Part 2: Unhealthy is the New Healthy

6 Mar

ETA: Read the comments, I find them to be much better than the post itself!

*Trigger Warning!*

Well, technically, it is not supposed to be triggering, but I don’t know how fucked up your brain is. After all, you never know with an ED. Anyway, take what I say with a grain of salt. I’m not saying you should not eat the magic 2500 calories because you are going to turn into a whale and that all members of CC are wrong. Use your freaking common sense.

In CC forums, if you are suffering from an ED and want to *gasp* eat healthy, you are listening to your ED. If you are suffering from an ED and want to *gasp* do some exercise, you are listening to your ED.*

*Obviously, I’m not talking about the orthorexics and those suffering from exercise compulsion. Use your freaking common sense, remember?

1. They are encouraging everybody that’s suffering from an ED to eat tons of unhealthy foods

I eat junk food too. Probably a bit too much, but that’s not the question. The thing is, there’s no way I am going to claim all over the place that they are good for you and that you can have 5 brownies in one sitting.

Newsflash: having too many fries is not very healthy.

Sure, you won’t die from it. You can do it if you want. But don’t force your eating behaviors on others by labeling them as ‘’healthy’’ simply because you ‘’are not listening to your ED’’. In my opinion, if every time you eat a cookie, you think ‘’Oh, I’m not listening to ED, I’m going to have that cookie!’’, then sorry, but you are listening to ED.

Why?

Because you are linking everything you do or see to your ED. That, in my mind, is listening to ED.

Example from my memory:

Girl A: I kinda want a slice of pizza but it’s not healthy so my ED is freaking out…what do I do? I’m so scared of pizza! Is it ok to have it?

Girl B: YES. Get the pizza! Have a BIG slice, at that! Have as much as you want! You can even get the whole pizza, you need to gain!!! Don’t listen to ED, you are a star!!!

Oh, so if you don’t need to gain, then you can only have a small slice of pizza? I hate that they link ”Having to gain’’ with ‘’Eating’’. Like, why do you need to be reminded that you need to gain, that you have an ED, and all the crap…just eat. Period.

This made me laugh.

2. Pushing bingeing behaviors by calling it ”Reactive Eating”.

POST THE 9000 calorie eats! of course it’s allowed. tbh you’d be breaking a record on here and reactive eating is part of a normal person’s diet so go for it i say 😉 you will be so inspiring and it will sure motivate me to say the least. i havent seen anybody here get 9000, so you’d be a record to beat!

Yes, it’s the 22 tbsp PB Record Girl that said that. No, I’m not kidding.

This makes me want to drive up a wall. You are going to feel better by seeing a 9000 cal eats? Really?!

I hope you are going to feel better after seeing someone’s binge and after seeing your name on the ”The Girl Who Ate X cals During Recovery” section of the Guinness book.

But I doubt she’s going to make it. As she said, 9000 calories is totally normal, after all.

Just a thought.

3. They encourage everybody to eat more, even if it’s more than they need to.

It’s a typical ED behavior to feed others. The recoverers on CC aren’t an exception.

Gosh, how many times have I seen the whole ‘’I just binged 3500cals and only went on a 15min run…what can I do?? I feel awful!’’, followed by ‘’For a teen that’s highly active like you, you need a minimum of 3500 sedentary! Don’t worry, you need to eat more because you are so active! Please eat more, you are damaging your metabolism!’’.

…What the hell.

And what saddens me is that, sometimes, those teens are very easily influenced, and they come back with a new thread: ”I’ve been told I’ve been under eating and damaging my metabolism. I have bumped my calorie intake, but I have gained 10lbs and am nearly at the top of the healthy weight range…will my metabolism ever repair??? :(”, only to get replies that are among the lines of ”Keep doing what you do, your metabolism will repair, trust me!”.

What are you, a soothsayer???!!

Awesome movie, by the way. Gave me a good laugh.

Another example. Girl A is freaking out about getting fat, Girl B is playing the doctor AND the soothsayer.

Girl B: yep, you can deffo eat that much and not get huge 😉 like others have said, you need to be eating 2500 minimum, andd 3000 if your a teen! Most teens do maintain on about 2500-3000 for instance, youll be able to maintain on similar cals to what you eat to gain, and you deffinatly DEFFINATELY wont get huge 😉

Do you mind showing me your degree in clairvoyance and medicine, miss?

Also, a typical one…

not eating 3000minimum is restricting*

*I’m not saying you should not eat X amount. Eat what you need to, eat what you want to, I don’t give a fuck. It’s your body, it’s your life, I don’t care if you are restricting, eating normally, or binging. I’m saying that those CC members:

  1. are unqualified to give advice. Especially if they are not even out of high school and their CV only has ”I am recovering from an ED and I know everything about reactive eating” on it.
  2. give stupid advice: ‘‘You need 3000cals sedentary to be maintaining if you are over 5 foot! Bump your cals! You are killing yourself!!!!!!”
  3. give stupid advice and are fucking hypocrite: ‘You need to gain to 24.9 BMI! If you are naturally thin, you will lose weight without even noticing it, but right now you are listening to your ED by not gaining to 24.9 BMI!” (saying this while having barely a 16 BMI)

4. They all go ‘‘I eat X servings of that at once, so you can too!’’.

Girl A: I’m recovering as of the end of August. I’m currently in the gaining process. I’m also vegetarian and have a very healthy diet (but still getting my cals in). However, I find that I crave nuts a lot & feel like I eat too many of them. They are fit into my meal plan, but sometimes I just crave nuts like nuts! I mostly only eat raw almonds and cashews, but I’m wondering if I can have too much of a good thing. Sometimes I consume almost 1 c of nuts (throughout the day)! I’m just curious if anyone else has this problem?

Girl B: hey nuts are mega healthy and in recovery you cant eat enough of anything!

make you feel any better i normally eat 10-15 tbsp supermarket PB a day

so you are NOT eating too much nuts

I don’t want to get all philosophical here, but the definition of an argument is this:

Argument: A set of reasons and evidence in support of the claim to know.

An argument has 3 components:

  1. Premises: A set of reasons and evidence
  2. Inference: in support of (the link between the premises and the claim to know)
  3. Conclusion: the claim to know.

Not only the premises (in recovery you cant eat enough of anything) aren’t true, the inference (I normally eat 10-15 tbsp supermarket PB a day) is illogical. Therefore, your conclusion (so you are NOT eating too much nuts) is not valid.

Nah, you’re just reactive-eating, buddy!

5. Blaming everything on reactive-eating.

i ate 3000in a day and still ended up re-active eating, it can set in at any point, the important thing is that we respond to it posatively and embrace it , and once we do so, after a while, with no restricting afterwards, it will subside 

It’s normal to be scared at the amount that you are eating in recovery because you are not used to it. But if you keep saying that ‘‘I’m reactive eating, I’m reactive eating’’, you are just focusing more on food and on your ED. Learn to just…eat. Period. If you keep saying that, when you’ll get to a healthy weight, chances are that you might be scared of eating because you might be ‘’reactive-eating’’ at a healthy weight. So stop putting a fucking label on everything you do: reactive-eating, binging, restricting…just eat, and try to not think of it too much. Only then you can lessen the food obsession.

Here’s an example Girl A is talking about binging problems, and is planning to restrict (basically, she needs people to baby-talk her and needs somebody to tell her to eat more because she’s skinny). Girl B is giving her that baby-talk. Girl C is backing up Girl B:

Girl B:

1. Your not binging, and yes restricting will lead to you “REACTIVE EATING” more

2. Yes, not eating what you NEED is restricting

3. Your dietitians are complete idiots, i cant see how they got their job tbh

Do you mind showing me your degree in medicine, smart ass?

Girl A! Listen to Girl B.

I went to see a dietitian too. And she had told me to eat 1600 calories a day and maintain. At first, my ED mind interpreted it as “you’re too fat to be eating 2500” that’s why. But then I realised how stupid my dietitian was. I am underweight, I haven’t gotten my periods in forever, my bones are brittle, my hair falls out like crazy! 2500-3000++ calories is not only for WEIGHT GAIN. It’s to restore your body’s natural functions. You were doing so well! Dietitians spoil everything! If I were you, I’d listen to Beth. She’s more experienced and she’s come so far! Wouldn’t you rather believe someone who’s been through an ED than some dietitian who learned everything from a book?

Don’t let your ED win. Please.

My fucking god. First, that dietician never said that she was too fat to eat more. It’s her own fucked up disordered brain that twisted it around. Second, some doctors are very clueless about EDs, but a stranger on the internet is more, or as, clueless than them. Do you know the person’s blood test results? Do you know her blood pressure, her heart rate? Giving medical advice (especially when you are not even out of high school) is completely irresponsible, and a sad attempt at being ‘’Oh so helpful to others in recovery’’. Stop it with your holier-than-thou attitude, and mind your own health.

Sure, your starved body will get in a shock when you’ll start to feed him properly, but don’t be foolish. Use common sense. If you ”reactive-eat” every single day for a prolonged period of time…well, you might not want to hear this, but at some point, if you continue to blame everything on ”reactive-eating”, you might be disregarding the real issue. Could be restricting during the day and stuffing yourself at night, could be emotional eating, etc…or it could be simply binging. I know that for me, it all happened so fast, yet so slowly. I kept my eyes closed instead of using common sense.

6. If you are suffering from Anorexia Nervosa Restrictive type, you can ”reactive eat” as much as you want.

I hate that. They make it sound as if you can only binge if you have AN Binge/Purge type. This is contributing to the whole ”AN Restrictive type is so much more glamourous than Bulimia!” stereotype.

BED is waaaaaaay different, someone who has experienced a restricting EDs cannot develop this as a BED involves no ability to restrict whatsoever due to many under lying reasons (before you ask no, you dont have  BED, youve restricted in the past, your reactive eating, its different, yada yada)

*picks up a mega phone and scream down your ear to ED* [YOU ARE] REACTIVE EATING, STOP MESSING AROUND AND TRYING TO CONVINCE HERE OTHERWISE! GAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

please just trust me on this one 😛

I can’t.

Just…no.

Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.

This is a scheduled post because I’m on a mini trip, so if there is any comment, I’ll be replying to them later.

CC Pet Peeves Part 1: Gushy Gushy Talk

2 Mar

*Trigger Warning!*

Well, technically, it is not supposed to be triggering, but I don’t know how fucked up your brain is. After all, you never know with an ED. Anyway, take what I say with a grain of salt. I’m not saying you should not eat the magic 2500 calories because you are going to turn into a whale and that all members of CC are wrong. Use your freaking common sense.

As some of you might know, I was a CalorieCount member for a while. I used the forums to try to get support for my ED recovery, and well…we know how successful this has proven to be. If you are not familiar with the site, you might not get the post. And it’s better this way, trust me.

Anyway, a lot of stuffs bugged me. As I listed my pet peeves, I realized that I had so many that they would not fit into one post, hence the ”Part 1” in the title. Today, we are going to focus on the Gushy Gushy Talk, aka the baby-talking, the cutesy language, the ”oh you’re so inspiring” crap that is going on in the Weight Gain and Health & Support forums.

1. The ass-kissing and cutesy language.

As soon as someone says something like:

I decided that ED is NOT going to win,…..I am ready to kick ED’s ass and never restrict another day in my life*

all the ED recoverer sheep are replying the same thing:

you are SO inspiring to everyone else, your a star, ily muchly ^^**

You know what? How do you know you are never going to restrict? Talking is one thing, doing it is another thing.

*And then 2 days later, the same person posts a 1500cals meal plan filled with salad + mustard dressing, and 35calories yogurts with her exercise listed and talks about how she is ”back on track and not letting ED win”.

So…that was your idea of ”never restricting”? Wow, how inspirational of you…

**WTF. ”ily muchly”???!!! Did you sniffed powdered sugar sprinkles?!!

2. They sound like a bunch of spoiled crying babies.

Whenever somebody complains about somebody having commented on ‘how much they eat’ (therefore, implying that they eat too much and that they are fat) or complains about somebody wanting to lose weight (therefore, being super triggering and inconsiderate), their ED recovery buddies roll around and go all:

What is wrong with people in today’s society?
They seem beyond rude and ignorant, keep doing what’s right for you. You’re such an inspiration, I’m so proud of all your progress.
Like other posters said, don’t panic and make them seem like the ignorant idiots they are.

So basically, everybody who says something that your disordered brain doesn’t like or that your disordered brain twisted is an ignorant idiot.

Your nutritionist/doctor can get lost! He/She doesn’t have any experience with ED, don’t listen to him/her!

…because I’m sure that, you, a 14 years old who has an eating disorder and attempting recovery, went to medical school and got a degree in nutrition or medicine. Everybody should take your advice, oh, Amazing 14 Years Old Inspirational Recovery Role Model.

3. Some of them are so freaking attention-seeking.

They tell about their struggles to a bunch of strangers on the internet just so they want to get baby-talked and cuddled up like a 5 year old. This was posted in the ”How did you challenge your ED” thread:

i was low for 2 days and neeeeded to make sure i got there yesterday and at bedtime i had 14 tbsp crunchy supermarket peanut butter loaded with salt and sugar.

i then threw the jar out cus the guilt is over-riding 😦

Ok. How is that ”challenging your ED”? What do you want us to say, that you are ”OMG AN INSPIRATION FOR EATING PEANUT BUTTER” or that you are ”OMG AN INSPIRATION FOR EATING PEANUT BUTTER SO DON’T LET ED GET TO YOU! DON’T FEEL GUILTY LOVIE!!! YOU ARE AMAZING!!!!”.

I don’t know about you, but the more I’m progressing into my recovery, the more I don’t feel the need to shout my struggles all over the place. If you need to ”get it out”, talk to a therapist, a friend in real life or via PM, a parent…doing it over the web like this is just screaming ”attention seeker”.

4. At a certain point, they all sound fake.

They are just repeating the same thing over and over. Ever noticed how they all talk about the same stuffs? It seems as if they say those things just so that they can ”belong” to the ED Recoverers Clique.

yesterday i ate load of peanut butter ive tried to stop eating it at night but failing cus i neve get enough cals on in the morning. so i had 5 tbsp and fresh fig for dinner but then a massive supper. i never had fruit in the evening either so..

loads and loads of PB with fresh dates and a PB & banana smoothie.

and then i met 3000 but thought forget it and got 2 more big tbsp PB. so i had 3200. with PB and sugary fruit.

ED made me SO guilty, but i beat it haha! 😀 i normally restrict before my weigh in too and i havent

You know what? I don’t give a fucking rat ass. Sorry, but it’s true. You want what, recognition from strangers? You want strangers to congratulate you for recovering? Sure I can understand that. But you’ll never recover if you don’t do it for yourself and keep imitating other recoverers, just so that you can belong to a group that gives you recognition. And a group composed of strangers from Internet, at that…pathetic.

5. They make recovery sound like a fun game.

Like a bunch of screaming 12 years old little children playing ”recovery”. Again, in the ”How did you challenged your ED” thread, one girl even kept a record of the amount of peanut butter she ate, and encouraged others to try to beat her.

Girl A: Had nutella and chocolate o’s despite telling myself not to eat dinner.

Had jiff too.

I need to stop eating pb out of the jar.

Girl B: why stop, did you beat my 14 tbsp record 😉 ?

Girl A: AND I think i beat you Girl B. >:-) You gotta catch up fool! haha

Girl B: noooooo 😛

*hands over award winning trophy* 😀

An award winning trophy.

A fucking effing winning award trophy.

For eating freaking peanut butter.

Someone pass me the garbage can, because I’m gonna puke.

Oh, and last time I checked, Girl B was swelling with pride because her new record was 21 or 22 tbsp.

I think Girl B needs to hand the trophy to this fella.

Recovery is not a fucking game, bitch. Grow the fuck up and go burn some calories by picking up the phone and calling Guinness Worlds Records.

I’ll finish this post on that note, because this is driving me BONKERS.  As you can see, I had to go over there to refresh my memories and take some quotes, and gosh…the stupidities I saw!! Even worse than what I’ve been used to. I almost threw my laptop across the room. You guys better enjoy the CC Pet Peeves series, because I’m fuming right now. I need a drink. Bye.

Bitch, Quit Lying!

18 Feb

You guys might be (or not) surprised by how much those HLB/Inspiration Role Models lie or are misleading you:

  • about their intake: they either make the food appear huge so you think they eat a buttload (see how they make you believe they are just naturally skinny here), or they post tiny meals so that you think they eat healthy and all (when some of them just restrict during the week and go crazy during the weekend)
  • about their issues related to eating disorder tendencies or exercise addiction
  • about whether or not they have an ED, etc.

They are no Pringle. They are Lays.

Lay's, you are a liar!!

Believe me. I know a few big/popular bloggers that claim to be ED free, but they either:

  • are aware that they have a problem and don’t address it to their readers. So not ‘lying’ per say, but misleading (hence why I was so adamant to point out that I was NOT recovered)
  • are in denial about their healthy/unhealthy relationship with food/exercise, and influence their ED-free public with unhealthy behaviors and enable their eating disordered public into keeping those unhealthy behaviors.
Of course, when people call them out or even just question their so-called healthy relationship with food…oh, the mass of White Knighters that comes along in the comment section!

Now…why do they do that?

  1. They don’t care about that 90% of their readers are suffering from a mental illness, they like the page views. If a restricted food diary blog is working, then they won’t change it.
  2. They like being portrayed as a role model, whether it is as a Recovery Queen or as a Health & Fitness Queen or as a Chia Seed n’ PB Queen. They need to protect their Empire.
  3. They like the attention the readers (eating disordered or not) give to them
  4.  They are scared of confrontation. They don’t want to have to explain themselves. They much rather do as if there wasn’t any problem with them to begin with, and get page views as usual. Opening up means changes. The readers’s attitude would change. Changes are scary.
An example*:
*If I see anybody calling me ”rude” for giving names, let me remind you that you are on a blog called ”Asian Bitch”, not ”Cutie Poopie Little Peanut Butter & Oatmeal Runner”.

You know, that Seventeen mag? Well, they are doing some kind of Healthy Living movement and chose 3 young bloggers to give tips about healthy living. Or more recently, 2 bloggers, because according to the mag, Taralynn ‘dropped out of the program by herself’. Personally, I think she has been kicked out after several people complained to Seventeen about this girl having an eating disorder and promoting anorexia.

Now, you might think ‘Oh, people are overreacting, nowadays every disordered people see disordered tendencies in everyone!’, which is understandable since a lot of ED recoverers are overly sensitive.

But this is batshit crazy. As in, there is no doubt that this girl has an ED, and lied to all of her followers. Note that she changed her username after she has been discovered, but people quoted her. Here’s a blog where there are proofs of her stealing people’s recipes and pictures, and photoshopping them onto her own plates.

So, all in all (because I know some of you just skimp the post and look for pictures of food or recipe, in vain):

  • Seventeen mag is stupid
  • Taralynn needs to improve on her Photoshop skills and donate her fancy plates if she’s not even going to use them
  • We lie. That’s what humans do. Healthy Living bloggers are humans. HLB can also lie, so don’t take for granted that all the shit that comes out of their mouth is 100% true, whether it’s about their personal issues or whether it’s about their fitness/nutrition advice, especially if they are not qualified or eat so much protein they are like a walking fart machine.

Q: Which type of those misleading bloggers do you think is worse, those who are aware of their issues but don’t address it, or those who are in denial and perpetuate unhealthy behaviors?

By the way, sorry for the excessive linking. But since I’m not getting paid for blogging, I don’t feel bad about making you giving me page views.

Journey of a ED Recovery Blogger

6 Jan

1. Start a blog, dedicated to ED recovery.

2. Start reading all the popular, Recovery Gurus, who, most of the time, really are just Half-Assed Recovery Gurus.

3. Start posts with oatmeal and spinach blended in, egg whites, cottage cheese, stevia and ”melted nanner” trick a la CCK.

Random, I know. But I had to put a banana joke here.

4. Talk about your struggles

My mom told me I looked healthier…but I’m so upset! I feel sooooo fat!!

My mom said that I had a big lunch but it was just salad! It barely had any calories, she’s sooooo clueless and rude!!! Now I don’t want to eat dinner…

I ate a muffin for breakfast and feel soooo guilty…I did JM’s BFBM video, P90X Plyometrics and ran 3miles, but I still feel so uncomfortable!!!

5. Comment on every recovery blogs

OMFG That oatmeal look so yummy!!!!

Nom Nom Nom, that sounds soooooo good! I love chocolate and PB together, especially on oatmeal!

Yum! I need to try that oatmeal combo!

Awww, so sorry you had a bad day…keep going, stay strong, I love you!! xoxo

Awww, I know how you feel…I can so relate!

6. Talk about how everyone is beautiful, no matter what the numbers say…

LOVE YA BODYYYYY, it doesn’t matter how much you weigh!!! xoxo

7. …Proceed to talk about how uncomfortable you feel about your weight

8. Reach a healthy weight, think you are recovered and attempt to become a HLB (because you want a label)

Now, for some people, the adventure finishes here, because they are forever in denial: they blog about Clean Eating, Lifting weights, Running, etc., like they are professionals, knowing that 90% of their readers are struggling with an ED but  they don’t give a damn about whether or not they are fueling their orthorexia and exercise addiction. Or maybe they do give a damn, but they like their HLB title and like that their readers are worshiping them like as if they have discovered the cure to cancer, when all they did was to create a Voluminous Oatmeal Trick recipe.

I can’t believe all the ridiculous cults.

9. Realize that you are still fucked up and that some HLBs are fucked up too

10. Take a blogging break

Some people never go back to blogging because they are living their lives and mostly recovered (I say ”mostly” because I don’t believe in Full Recovery), which is the perfect scenario. But if you are still fucked up but wiser than before, you will continue on step 11.

11. 2 scenarios:

a) Go back to blogging, act like recovery was super easy and become an ”Inspiration”

Again, a cult is devoted to those bloggers. All their posts is now about:

  • loving your body
  • how they didn’t pick the lowest calorie item at the Cheesecake Factory (OMFG, WHAT AN INSPIRATION!!)
  • how AppleBee’s is so fucking yummy, and they ate a main meal WITH a dessert (OMFG, WHAT AN INSPIRATION!!)
  • how everyone who is picking a salad at a restaurant is eating-disordered and should be put in IP
  • how they don’t exercise but still have a rockin’ body

b) Go back to blogging, become a cynical bitch with a scary, well-developed HLB/ED Radar, with 0 compassion for bloggers who are getting their ass kissed by crazy fans.

Any ideas on what step 12 could be?

Moral of the story: think twice before starting a recovery blog.

Sensitivity Among ED Recoverers

4 Jan

ED recoverers are sensitives. Sometimes, overly sensitives.

They think everybody is trying to bring them down, and they immediately bite back, often without valuable reasons. Especially this time of the year.

A few examples.

1) Jane Doe: Wow, you are going to eat all that?

ED person:OMFG SHUT THE FUCK UP, YES I WAS GOING TO EAT IT ALL, BUT NOW THAT YOU CALLED ME A FAT COW, I WON’T EAT ANYTHING AND I’LL STARVE MYSELF AND IT WILL BE ALLLLL YOUR FAULT!!

Calm down, princess. Is it that hard to say: ”Yes, I’m going to eat it all.” ?

2) Jane Doe: I just did a massive workout! I am so proud of myself! As a reward, I am having a burger! Yay 🙂

ED person, in a sarcastic tone: OMG really? I’M HAVING A BURGER TOO AND NO NEED FOR A WORKOUT TO GET IT!

Seriously? That is like the equivalent of you saying ”I just conquered a fear food today, I had a massive brownie with Dulce de Leche drizzle on top, I’m so proud of myself!” and someone replied with a sarcastic ”OMG really? I had the same thing and I didn’t even had second thought about it, stop bragging about it, you’re stupid!”.*

*Personally, I don’t mind if people tell me I’m stupid for bragging about it, because I get that it is a little bit ridiculous. But I know some people are more sensitive than others, especially if they are at the beginning of recovery, so I keep my mouth shut.

Hey, that guy looks happy. So don't be a Debby Downer and be happy for him too. Don't be a royal bitch.

3) Jane Doe: You are looking healthier!

ED person: OMG YOU JUST TOLD ME I’M FAT! I’M GOING TO STARVE MYSELF, I’M SO TRIGGERED!!! I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMOOOOORRREEEEE, BOUHOUHOU!!

No comment.

4) Jane Doe: Gosh, I think I gained much more than I thought! My pants are a lot tighter than usual with all those Holiday parties! Oh well, I think I found my New Year’s Resolution.

ED person: OMG YOU HAVE NO CONSIDERATION FOR ME!! HOW CAN YOU SAY TRIGGERING STUFFS LIKE THAT IN FRONT OF A RECOVERING ANOREXIC, THAT IS UNACCEPTABLE!!! YOU ARE SO FUCKING RUDE, BITCH!

God dammit. The world doesn’t turn around you and you recovery. Let people live their lives. If they want to eat lighter, let them eat lighter. Don’t be a selfish ass. Just because they want to do something for them instead of baby talking you in your recovery doesn’t mean they don’t care about you anymore.

Don’t try to stop people who gained weight over the Holidays from dieting. Chances are, they are going to be annoyed at the stick thin anorexic recoverer, who is telling them that they will get too thin and unhealthy. You see, hypocritical people are annoying. And most of them are going to give up on their diet anyway, if you don’t remind them of it.

I’ve gotta admit I’m sick of people always blaming their illness for their selfishness. Eating disorders ARE making people selfish, so work on that instead of thinking the world is going to change just for you.

It is not other people’s job to think about what’s appropriate to say to you and what’s not,  it’s also YOUR job to be able to interpret things correctly. 

Cut the drama.

Why ED Recoverers Should Not Strive To Be HLBs + Cranberry Chocolate Chip Protein Cake

7 Dec

Tomorrow is my PE exam.

After being put through the practical exam…

  • sit-ups test
  • push-ups test
  • vertical impulsion test
  • Beep test (Nightmare. Pure. Nightmare.)
  • 6km practical exam (at -5.0C. I almost chocked on my mucus and was never as glad to see a Kleenex box in my life by the end of the run)

…I now have to study the theory for the theoretical exam. All of which I will forget as soon as it’ll be done.

Something that I found interesting was the definition of health and it’s five dimensions (S.P.E.M.S). It made me think of ED recoverers who consider themselves to be a healthy living blogger, or try to be one of them. Here are the 5 dimensions of health, and why I think ED recovers should not/can not be healthy living bloggers.

1) Social Health: ”the ability to develop and maintain meaningful interpersonal relationships, as well as, to adapt to different social situations.”

You cannot achieve this if you have a panic reaction to the words ”eating out”. And yes, it is still a panic reaction if you are trying to change the McDonald’s to the Vegan Cafe, or if you order a 20$ green salad sans dressing, or worse, if you bring your own food.

By calling yourself a Healthy living blogger and posting that you brought your own whole-grain sandwich to a friend’s party because ”white carbs give you a sugar crash/whatever reason your eating-disordered self has came up with”, you might actually be giving disordered thoughts to your readers.

2) Physical Health: ‘‘the optimal functioning of the body’s interconnected physiological systems, such as the respiratory, the cardiovascular, and the immune and endocrine systems.”

Whether you are overweight or underweight, if you are not doing anything about it and haven’t made an effort, (because there ARE people who are healthy even though they are under/overweight), you are not healthy. And no, if you HAVE to run 8-10miles a day so you don’t get crazy, you’re not naturally skinny.

Plus, even is you are physically healthy, you might not be healthy. Physical health is just one dimension out of the 5 (sometimes 6 but only 5 will be in my exam, so we’ll leave it out). Remember, weight restoration does not mean you’re mentally cured.

3) Emotional Health: ”expressing emotions in an appropriate fashion and at an appropriate time. This included qualities such as self-esteem, self-confidence, self-efficacy, optimism, trust, love, and friendship.”

Well, eating disorders comes hand to hand with the lack of most (if not all) the qualities above. It goes better as we progress with recovery, but still.

4) Mental Health: ”the ability to think critically, find solutions, and learn; the ability to grow from experience.”

If you get triggered by Seventeen Magazine who put ultra-skinny Emo-looking raccoon-eyed Taylor Momsen on the cover page and interviewed her about her weight/diet/body, then don’t call yourself a healthy living blogger.

If you get triggered because someone told you looked healthier and you took it as if they said you were fat, then don’t call yourself a healthy living blogger.

The world is full of triggers. You need to grow a thicker skin and be able to rationalize if you want to get through it. Suck it up, grow up.

5) Spiritual Health: ”developing faith in something or someone else beyond yourself; a guiding sense of meaning or value in life. It may involve a belief in a supreme being or a specified way of living as prescribed by a particular religion.”

This one I must admit I have no idea what it means. I’m not into religious stuffs. If there’s a question about this on the exam, I’m screwed.

I think the reason why they want to be a ”healthy living blogger”, is because they want a label. A lot of people have trouble giving up their ED, because they are scared of losing their identities. Without ED, they think they are nothing. They need that label to define who they are. Of course, this is not true, but hey, easier said than done.

By jumping on the Recovery wagon, they are giving up their label (Anorexic, Bulimic, etc).  Who are they, then? They feel lost, they need another label.

So they try to be Healthy Living Blogger, or more precisely, the most inspirational personality among the ED Recovery Community. Of course, I noticed that this often translates to the blogger who… :

  • posts the most recipes with the ”safest” ingredients
  • posts pictures of oatmeal topped with egg whites/sugar-free jam/craisins/”naner”/”strawbzzzz” (at this point you don’t even see the oats)
  • posts pictures of him/her kissing jars of nut butters
  • posts his/her workout or training schedule
  • posts pictures of his/her groceries consisting of 43 Larabars, 23 boxes of PB Puffins cereals/Kashi Go Lean cereal, 24 different squashes (I know how a box of cereal looks like, I’ve been to a grocery store before)
  • leaves the most ass-kissing comments on every healthy-living blogs (”OMG that bowl of oatmeal looks soooo yummiiii!! Chocolate + Spinach + PB? Yes please!! I need to try that ASAP!! :D”)

Basically, the anorexia competition is replaced by the competition between who eats the healthiest, who exercises the most, who has the most fit body, who has the most perfect recovery, who has the most popular blog.

This leads to stress, orthorexia, binge eating, exercise compulsion, etc.

Pretty far from ”healthy living”.

——-

So I have another protein cake recipe. I know, again. Thing is, I usually just use other people’s recipes, and the one I came with by myself are all protein powder based.

Cranberry Chocolate Chip Protein Cake

Ingredients
  • 3 extra-large (120g) egg whites
  • 90g canned pumpkin
  • 15og strawberry or cranberry or vanilla yogurt (I like strawberry the best)
  • 40g Vanilla Whey Protein powder
  • 20g whole wheat flour
  • 30g coconut flour
  • 4 packets of sweetener (1 packet = 2tsp of sugar)
  • 3/4 tsp baking soda
  • 1 tsp baking powder
  • Chocolate chips (or  use chunks, like me)
  • Chopped cranberries* (100g?) (you can use other type of berries: strawberries take a longer time to cook)
  • Water, if necessary
Directions
  1. Preheat oven to 375.  Spray a bundt pan with cooking spray or better, use a silicone pan.
  2. Beat the egg white on high speed until foamy. Add the pumpkin and yogurt and beat until well mixed.
  3. Mix the dry ingredients together and add it to the wet mixture with a spatula. Add 1-2 tbsp of water if you feel the batter is too thick
  4. Add cranberries and chocolate chips
  5. Bake for 27-30min, or until a toothpick comes out clean.
  6. Chill before serving.

*microwave half of them with sweetener for 30sec if you want

You can scale down the recipe to 1/2, or even 3/4. I’ve tried that and it works well (but adjust cooking time). You can use any other type of pan, but of course consider the cooking time. For muffins, check after 20min.